12/31/20, 9:15 pm
Mike
Oh no. It's horrible! My cat, Treatie, turned green!
1/2/21, 6:10 pm
Mike
STYLIN'
1/3/21, 4:12 pm
Allan
Mike I love you!!! And thank you so much for the Amazon gift!
I'm feeling so mentally ill, so to speak, I'm hating all the stuff going on.
And I'm sorry about your green cat. At least you live with someone.
And of course happy cartoons help. I hope things get better soon . . .
Mike
I'm feeling a little cabin feverish also. I'm glad my texts lifted you
somewhat. And, I love you too.
1/7/21, 2:20 pm
Mike
I'm so tired of commercials on CNN. Everyone in them are always
smiling, laughing, dancing, and having a great old time always.
As if life is bowl of cherrys. Get real! It's hard times in America sir!
1/7/21, 7:16 pm
Mike
What happens when a Christian woman wears a bra that is too small for her?
Her cup runneth over.
1/8/21, 4:47 pm
Mike forwarded a video
1/8/21, 5:59 pm
Mike
Allan, you and Chuck are not the only family artists anymore.
I think this turned out really well. It's my cat, Treatee.
1/10/21, 3:01 pm
Allan
What are you talking about? You've always been an artist . . .
1/10/21, 3:58 pm
Mike
Allan, how did you get that?
Mike
Mike McCollum presents Lazy Lion. I don't remember
Lazy Lion. I do remember I had a character named Baddy Bull.
Mike
Thanks Allan. I tried to follow the story of the cartoon but I couldn't.
1/10/21, 5:06 pm
Allan
Haha, I think maybe the last page is missing! I couldn't resolve
the ending either!
1/11/21, 5:29 pm
Mike
It looks like Baddy Bull is in the cartoon but wasn't named then.
"Lazy Lion," super hero, is pretty funny. He lounges on a hammock
Mike
Until called for help.
1/12/21, 8:04 pm
Mike
I love my new couch!
1/13/21, 2:49 am
Allan
Apparently you're not the only one ...
1/17/21, 11:10 pm
Mike
Goodnight Allan. Sweet dreams. I love you.
1/19/21, 1:36 am
Allan
I love you, sweet dreams to you too.
1/20/21, 11:23 pm
Mike
Allan if you still have Netflix, you should see "Vanished" if you haven't.
It's good and has a really good ending that you'll never guess.
1/22/21, 7:25 pm
Mike
Allan, I'm watching and listening on YouTube to a full orchestra
playing Ravel's Bolero. SO GOOD!
1/24/21, 3:57 pm
Allan
"Vanished" or "The Vanished"? I have to plan for tonight!
Mike
Make plans for, "The Vanished." I think you'll like it. Let me know
when you've seen it. I want to ask you about something that happened
in the story. P.S. I have an appointment for my first covid vaccination
on February 18. I hope L.A. will have enough by then.
1/24/21, 11:34 pm
Allan
OK, Elizabeth and I watched that crazy movie. So let me guess your
question? You want to know what "RV" stands for? Oh, I'm so jealous
you're getting the vaccination! I've tried to make an appointment,
but no luck yet!
1/25/21, 12:10 am
Mike
Keep trying Allan. My question is what happened to the other wife in the boat?
She went overboard and so did her husband. The husband got stabbed to
death but I don't remember that the movie told us what happened to the wife.
I thought she or her body was going to pop up later in the movie. What did I miss?
1/25/21, 1:24 am
Allan
In the last 5 or 6 minutes of the film, there's shot of her floating dead
underwater . . . does that count?
Mike
I think I thought it was the husband who was stabbed.
Allan
It was! They pulled his body out earlier in the film! Had him on a stretcher
in a body bag, showed his face and everything! Found Paul's hair under his ring!
Mike
OK thanks Allan.
Allan
Haha.
1/31/21, 12:34 pm
Mike
Happy Sunday.
2/1/21, 12:20 am
Allan
2/1/21, 11:52 am
Mike
I didn't remember I was such a prolific cartoonist.
Where are you finding them? Some of Mom's stuff?
2/1/21, 4:08 pm
Allan
HI, no, I've had them for yers and years . . . mixed in
with my OWN childhood cartoons. All my life, it seems.
They were in one of my old school lunchboxes or something,
something I'd been saving as long as I can remember.
2/1/21, 6:11 pm
Mike
Wow. Thanks for saving those. I had forgotten about those.
Enter
2/2/21, 12:43 am
Allan
I'll scan more of them from time to time!
Enter
2/3/21, 12:00 am
Allan
I'm guessing that you think this is one of the best records ever, as I do . . .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=es1uCh48TNY
He Stopped Loving Her Today
youtube.com
2/3/21, 10:47 am
Mike
I had never listened closely to this song paying attention to the lyrics.
Could the story be any sadder? It's a tear jerker. George Jones was
one of the all-time best country artists. Such an original voice.
Mike
Here's one of my favorites - "Golden Ring" done by George Jones
and Tammy Wynette.
George Jones and Tammy Wynette - Golden ring
youtube.com
2/3/21, 3:07 pm
Allan
wow, this is nice - and sad, considering their mutual history.
Do you know the recording by Al Urban, "Used Wedding Rings"?
Used Wedding Rings
2:52Allan
And a beautiful version by our cousin Caroline:
Used Wedding RingsMike
Thanks Allan I will listen. I've never heard of the song.
2/3/21, 4:34 pm
Allan
It'a favorite of mine . . .
Allan
2/3/21, 8:55 pm
2/5/21, 1:50 am
Allan
Yes, it'd a good idea to listen to a song. Or two people singing it.
Well? Are you OK?
2/5/21, 10:39 am
Mike
Hi Allan. Everything is good here. I'm staying in mostly and being safe.
2/5/21, 4:09 pm
Allan
So you didn't like the song?
2/5/21, 4:46 pm
Mike
Hi Allan. I forgot to listen. I promise I will. Today's Mom's birthday.
Allan
I know, yes. Also sad was that my exhibition in Miami closed
on the anniversary of the day she died.
MikeMike
Yes that's very sad. I've been thinking about her all day.
What will happen to your art? Will it get shipped back to NY?
Allan
Yes, most all of it. More storage problems. Should arrive next week, sigh.
2/5/21, 5:15 pm
Allan
What did the movie director do when he wanted to find an actress
to play a female version of the Devil?
2/5/21, 6:15 pm
Mike
He hired Marjorie Taylor Greene for the part. After the job he sent
her down to Hell in a hand basket.
2/7/21, 2:11 pm
Allan
Hahahaha, NO. He decided to go to Helen Hunt for her!
2/7/21, 2:38 pm
Mike
Good one!!
2/8/21, 8:00 pm
Mike
Allan why didn't you tell me that you sold some of your surrogates
to the Bakersfield Courthouse. It's a lovely display.
2/10/21, 3:49 pm
Allan
I'm sorry, I plead guilty.
Allan
Why did the film producer ask Jeff to take over as the director of a film
while the original director John was having emotional problems?
2/10/21, 6:29 pm
Allan
Because the producer preferred Bridges over troubled Waters.
2/10/21, 9:55 pm
Mike Good joke Allan.
Allan
Gee, thanks!
[laugh] 0:11
Allan
OK, why did the movie director want to hire Kevin to do a scene with Iam?
Mike
What is lam?
2/10/21, 10:52 pm
Allan
An actor!
Mike
You must mean "Ham." So it was a breakfast commercial for Bacon an Ham?
Mike
I give up.
Allan
haha, NO!
Allan
He wanted to bring Holm the Bacon.
Mike
Ok I found Iam Holm. I saw him in a Lord of the Rings movie.
Pretty sure in other movies to.
AllanMike
Goodnight Allan. I'm going to bed early. I love you and will talk to you soon.
Allan
G'night Mike!
2/11/21, 2:12 am
Allan
Why did the movie director hire Neal and Martin to be in his movie about
kids in Kindergarten and first grade
2/11/21, 5:04 pm
Allan
Because he needed the characters in his movie to be young and short
Mike
Excellent one. Now it's my turn.
Mike
Why would Elmer never ride the Orient Express?
Allan
Because he didn't want his trunk to be used for storage.
Mike
Excellent answer, but wrong Elmer.
Mike
Because as far as Mr. Fudd was concerned, "Never the twain shall meet."
Allan
Oy.
Allan
haha
Mike
Here's some I might have sent you:
There's one deep state I'd like to see Trump in.
It's called six feet under!
What do retail stores having big discounts have
in common with Robinson Crusoe?
Black Fridays.
Why was the covicted military officer's smelly clothes forcibly removed?
Because he was stripped of his rank.
What do you call a protective refuge for ugly, revolting women?
An animal skanctuary
Allan
hahaha
Mike
I gotta million of 'em.
Allan
What do they call the hearted arguments between Marie's brother and Mel?
Mike
Donnybrook! Too easy.
Allan
Wow! You are so smart!
Allan
I'll have to work harder.
Mike
What do you call a short joke question about a small violin?
Allan
I'll need a day to think about this.
Mike
OK.
Allan
Oh. A fiddle riddle.
2/11/21, 6:27 pm
Mike
Yes almost. A little fiddle riddle.
Mike
Good goin' Allan.
Allan
Maybe you'd like the title of this painting I saw the other day
by David Hammons:
https://drawingcenter.org/exhibitions/david-hammons/works/4
The Drawing Center
drawingcenter.orgMike
Allan, my phone is acting strange & won't open the link Allan
2/11/21, 7:00 pm
Mike
Got it:. David Hammons, Itty Bitty Titty Committee, 1979.
Grease, pigment, and graphite on paper, 30 1/2 x 22 inches (77.5 x 55.9 cm).
Hudgins Family Collection, New York.
As Mom would say, "Now that's just downright vulgar."
Allan
You try to access webpages with your PHONE?
Maybe you weren't using the correct area code . . .
2/12/21, 11:48 am
Mike
Why are there never any good jokes about pancakes?
They always fall flat.
2/12/21, 12:33 pm
Mike
Missed video chat
12:33 PM
2/12/21, 1:47 pm
Mike
Escaped from prison was Greenwood, a country-singer icon,
and I use that term loose Lee.
2/12/21, 2:45 pm
Mike
Or, "He was the greatest master ever of Karate,
and I use that term Bruce Lee."
2/13/21, 12:42 pm
Mike
What is the proper, formal term for a patriarch's penis?
Founding Member.
2/13/21, 5:28 pm
Allan
Ouch.
Allan
Once I told a friend about your song, "Remember Me," and he said,
Oh, was he asking for his penis to be sewn back on?
2/13/21, 5:46 pm
Mike
That's just downright vulgar!
2/14/21, 7:26 am
Allan
Dumbell Doodler.
2/14/21, 11:41 am
Mike
Is that another of mine? I did it on the "Democratic Times."
I must have been making a political cartoon about dumbell politicians
who just doodle around. Coupled with a statement on violence in
society and how it leads to prison or worse. I was a "law and order"
guy before it was politically popular. Always ahead of my time.
2/14/21, 3:29 pm
Mike
What's it called when the cows take control of the ship?
Herd immutiny!
2/14/21, 10:42 pm
Allan
The cow was able to steer the ship using her rudder
MikeMike
Oh yeah? Well then, again, what's it called when the cows
take control of the ship? "Moootiny."
2/14/21, 11:38 pm
Mike
Conversation About Covid:
"Can't wait for herd immunity." "Yeah I've heard of immunity. What about it?"
"It's not like you 'heard' a noise. It's like a herd of animals."
"You mean like a herd of cows is immune to something like mad cow disease?"
"No I mean people."
"Cows are immune to people? I wish I was."
"I'm talking about people with Corona!"
"People are immune to Mexican beer? You're sounding freakin' loco mi amigo.
"Are people immune to Dos Equis too?"
"I'm talking about covid!"
"The cove is what? What cove?" "COVID!"
"So, a cove has an Id? Does it have an ego too?
"I begged you to get help.
Maybe there's a shrink you can see at the cove."
"Maybe you should just shut the fuck up."
"Maybe you should not repeat what you just told me to anyone else or you
might end up in a strait jacket at the funny farm."
THE END
2/16/21, 5:59 pm
Mike
How can you tend to your vegetable garden and prevent yourself from
being called a devil worshipper? You'd better mind your peas and and Quanon!
2/16/21, 9:01 pm
Mike
This is funny. Shael told me that Stephen Colbert said we don't use
the name "Trump" anymore. We say "former president." I think even
that's too respectful. I would suggest "The T Word."
2/18/21, 2:51 pm
Mike
I'm very disappointed in myself. I stored Uncle Jonny's painting in
a place that got water damage and it's ruined totally. IDIOT!!
2/19/21, 10:52 am
Mike unsent a message
Mike unsent a message
2/19/21, 12:06 pm
Mike
Oh no! eBay is showing your art right next to plastic erotic sculptures.
One is a girl masterbating, and the other is a couple copulating
while standing up. OH MY GOODNESS!
2/25/21, 11:00 pm
Allan
Seriously???
2/26/21, 12:07 am
Mike
Did you not get the photo attachment that was supposed to come with my text?
2/26/21, 6:45 pm
Allan
Yes, I got it - but it wasn't a painting I'd ever seen before,
in the family. And it didn't look like other paintings I've seen
by him. I thought maybe you were joking.
2/26/21, 9:29 pm
Mike
You're talking about the Jon Gnagy painting. That was given to me
by Polly when she gave some of his paintings away to the family.
I am really disappointed that I let it get ruined.
Mike
I thought your "seriously?" text was about eBay displaying your
art in the same row as some cheap, plastic erotic sculptures.
2/27/21, 4:30 pm
Mike
What was it called in the 1950's when you got the chance to show
off your dance moves? That would be a bopportunity.=
2/27/21, 10:48 pm
Allan
I'll never be able to do better than this.
Allan
Mike, when one signs into eBay, it brings up all your
previous searches. So it's clear whet your search history is.
2/27/21, 11:07 pm
Allan
And I don't mean maybe.
2/28/21, 1:55 am
Mike
You busted me. I just can't get enough of little cheap, plastic erotic figures.
2/28/21, 6:55 pm
Mike
What's the place where it's finally your turn in the Burger King drive-thru
to pay for and get your order?
That's your window of Whoppertunity.
3/1/21, 1:16 pm
Allan
You win, you win, you win, hahahahahah
3/1/21, 2:22 pm
Allan
Oh. Now I see where you got the joke. You stole it.
3/1/21, 3:02 pm
MikeMike
No, I don't read Robert Reich's posts. But, I figured I was not the first
person to use that.
Mike
I know you Google my jokes in hopes of accusing me of Plagiarism.
I'm on to you.
3/1/21, 6:47 pm
Allan
I hope you know I made that jpg myself! haha
Mike
HAH!
3/1/21, 8:09 pm
Allan
This is the original. It came on facebook today!@!
3/1/21, 9:58 pm
Mike
You faked me out! That's a good one Allan. I thought Richard Reich's
post was a little strange, but real. You got me!!
3/6/21, 5:42 pm
Allan
Don't put your greasy tongues where they don't belong.
3/9/21, 12:07 am
Mike
Now that's really funny.
3/9/21, 3:01 am
Mike
Gotta good Netflix movie for u: "Parker" with Jason Statham & Jennifer Lopez.
It's real good. But, pretty violent & bloody in parts. Just the way we like 'em.
3/9/21, 3:04 pm
Allan
My laptop stopped working a few weeks ago, grr. I have to get a new one.
Mike
Darn!
Mike
3:11 PM
Missed audio call
3/9/21, 7:28 pm
Allan
This is the woman at 3202 Dow!
https://www.facebook.com/Knit-Creations-by-Rose-164156660332662/"
Knit Creations by Rose
Women's clothing store
This was out fun exchange last year:
August 16, 2020
Allan
3202 Dow! Where I grew up!
August 16, 2020
Knit Creations by Rose
We are only the second owners and taking care of your old house. How is your mother doing?
August 16, 2020 8/16/20, 3:55 PM
Allan
Thank you for taking care of the house! I lived there from 1946 through 1966.
I'm an artist, and now I live in New York City, the city where my father was born.
Our mother passed away three years ago, lots of memories. She also knitted,
and I have an afghan she made for me. Just for fun and memories, I just
ordered a "Friendly black-white bag" by you from Timeless Treasures Boutiques!
I wish you all the very best. I drive by and glance at the house almost every
time I come to Los Angeles.
August 16, 2020
Knit Creations by Rose
Thank you very much for your order greatly appreciated.
Sorry about your mom she lived a long productive life. We changed the
back yard and now is a mini farm with 16 fruit trees and vegetables.
Next time you drive by you can knock. Take care.
August 16, 2020 8/16/20, 11:38 PM
Allan
Wow! 16 Fruit trees! This makes me happy.
Thank you, take care you too. -
August 25, 2020 8/25/20, 4:01 PM
AllanKnit Creations by Rose
HI, please let me know if you got your bag yesterday.
August 26, 2020 8/26/20, 2:39 PM
Allan
Hi, yes I got it! It's making me happy. I hung it on a plastic hook from one
of my bookcases, so I can see it all the time. I know, it must seem strange, haha.
But it's beautiful, beautifully and lovingly made, and seeing it reminds me of my
family history is some way. Thank you for this, Rose!
Knit Creations by Rose sent August 26, 2020
Thanks to you for appreciating my work.
September 10, 2020 9/10/20, 12:36 AM
Allan
Just a note. This is a picture of me at age 14 (1954)
trying to do trick photography right under the living
room front windows! It makes me laugh, remembering
my goofy childhood at 3202 Dow!
September 10, 2020
Knit Creations by Rose
Funny, are you a photographer? I remember you told me you are
an artist.
September 12, 2020 9/12/20, 12:25 AM
Allan
Haha, Not exactly, I work more as a sculptor, drawer, a painter -
I don't know what I am! People call me a conceptualist. Back
then I wanted to be a special effects filmmaker.
Here's me: ALLAN McCOLLUM allanmccollum.net
September 25, 2020
Knit Creations by Rose
Finally we had a chance to look at your art. Impressive and amazing.
You made us a celebrity in the family because we are living in your
old house. Of course we are telling all our friends about you.
September 26, 2020
Allan
Haha, I read this last night and couldn't stop smiling, and I'm still
smiling today! You made my day! And my night! Thank you Rose!
3/12/21, 3:22 pm
Mike
Why did the farmer get disqualified for entering
a chicken in the horse race? Because, with regard to the rules, he ran a fowl.
3/13/21, 1:34 am
Allan
Mike, a chicken could never outrun a horse. Come on.
3/13/21, 7:26 am
Mike
Apparently, you've never heard of racing chickens. Not many have
because it's illegal. The minute they're hatched they are trained in
track and field until they are ready to enter competition. The winners
are paid handsomely and that ain't chicken feed.
3/13/21, 1:27 pm
Mike
3/14/21, 2:01 pm
Mike
3/14/21, 2:33 pm
Allan
You have do get some sleep, relaxing can be exhausting.
3/14/21, 3:13 pm
Mike
Yes, but it's the only thing I'm good at.
3/17/21, 7:48 pm
Mike
What does a large, sexy woman give to a man? A lot to be desired.
3/21/21, 11:26 am
Allan
Isn't that the way a real estate agent tries to sell a piece of land?
Mike
Good one!
3/22/21, 11:40 am
Mike
Allan, this might be the only vintage rock song that starts out with singing about puctuation marks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URoRMjr9hGk
Del Shannon - Handy Man (Lyrics)
youtube.com
Del Shannon - Handy Man (Lyrics)
youtube.com
3/25/21, 5:24 pm
Allan
See if you can figure out the tune here:
He said "I'll love you till I die"
Shake it loose and let it fall
As the years went slowly by,
Like the shadows on the wall
Come and lay down by my side
Oh but I didn't see no tears
All I'm takin' is your time
First time I'd seen him smile in years
Mike
It's "Help me make it through the night," And "He Stopped Loving Her Today."
Mike
Right?
Mike
You mixed them together? That's pretty good.
3/25/21, 5:49 pm
Allan
It's basically the same tune!
Allan
I read in an article that George Jones used to get the two songs mixed up in his head . . .
Mike
I never heard that.
Allan
If you want to hear two smart women talk about my work in like an hour, sign up here!
Here is the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URoRMjr9hGk
Jennifer Jane Marshall in conversation with Stephanie Seidel
on the work of Allan McCollum | Institute of Contemporary Art, Miami
icamiami.orgMike
Allan, this is not a good day for me to listen to it or watch it. I'm having my annual
endoscopy very early tomorrow morning. And I'm focusing on getting things done
before that. Are you going to be watching it and part of it?
Allan
It's only at 4pm in California. Yes I'll be watching it! I'm very fond of these
two women, and their brains.
Mike
Is it something that can be saved to watch later? Do you know?
Allan
I don't know. The museum will save it in their "archives," they told me,
but when I visit the website there's no link to any videos in something
called "archives." The whole thing confuses me.
Mike
I just subscribed for the talk. I can listen to it while I'm doing the work I need to do.
Allan
I hope it's interesting. Stephanie is from Germany, living in Florida,
and Jennifer is from Arizona, living in Minnesota. They both wrote texts
that are in the eventually-to-be-released catalog.
3/25/21, 7:33 pm
Mike
I like them both. I can see why you do too.
3/25/21, 8:45 pm
Mike
A new take on that wonderful folk song, "Billy Boy."
"Oh where have you been Billy Boy, Billy Boy.
Oh where have you been charming Billy.
I have been to see your wife in my crisis of midlife.
She's a dumb thing and ugly as your mother."
3/25/21, 10:20 pm
Mike
Allan, I enjoyed the talk. I saw about a half hour of it and then the
hospital called and had me on the phone for a half hour cuz I have
that procedure tomorrow morning.
3/25/21, 11:36 pm
Allan
I hope the procedure doesn't find anything bad . . .
Mike
I don't think it will. Thanks Allan. My doctor always takes about 6 or so
tissue samples for biopsies & those results come in a few days later.
I'll let you know. I love you.
Tenor GIF Keyboard Tenor GIF Keyboard Tenor GIF Keyboard
3/26/21, 11:38 pm
Allan
Please let me know how the procedure went, and if you're OK . . .
3/27/21, 12:09 pm
Mike
Hi Allan. Everything went fine. I feel good. My doctor said he saw no
change from how it looked last year. I will know the results of the biopsies
in 2 weeks when I see him then. Thanks Allan.
4/4/21, 1:28 pm
Mike
4/5/21, 9:22 pm
Mike
Oh Nooo! Unfortunately Treatee has been possessed by a demon.
I need a pet exorcist! I wonder if one could be found in the cat-acombs?
4/6/21, 2:34 pm
Mike
Only one covid death recorded yesterday in L.A. County! Can you believe it?
I heard it on the news and I confirmed it on the L.A. County website.
The best news we've had in a very long time.
4/6/21, 9:28 pm
Mike
Behold Aquaman! Since when did it become OK for our superheroes
to look like dirty, greasy long-haired, scraggly bearded criminals that just
crawled out of some filthy biker bar? You wouldn't catch Captain America
looking like some homeless loser.
4/9/21, 3:34 pm
MikeLina plays Waltz in B Minor by Chopin.Mike
Can you solve this puzzle?
4/9/21, 11:02 pm
Mike
I started a pretty good series last night on Amazon. It's called "Them."
And it's not a new version of the giant- ants movie. It's about racism with
a horror-movie component.
4/11/21, 10:03 pm
Allan
I can't figure it out, due to Russian left-wing-lead knights.
4/11/21, 11:12 pm
Mike
Watt R U dew wing 2 night. One of the clues accidentally
was out of order so I'm sure that made it more challenging for you.
Mike
A new puzzle.
4/12/21, 5:11 am
Mike
Allan, I just resent your Amazon eChristmas card for $30.00.
1. Open the email from Amazon.
2. There will be a code or something similar in the email that is for your gift.
3. Go to Amazon.
4. Buy something.
5. At the checkout look for a box to check where you would put the code from the email.
6. Enter the code in the box. You're done.
Love, =Mike=
4/16/21, 6:47 pm
Allan
Thank you! I'll try that!
Allan
Love, Allan
4/18/21, 5:36 pm
Mike
UFO video confirmed by Pentagon - CNN Video
cnn.comAllan
Hats off!
4/20/21, 8:44 pm
Allan
Fowarded a link:
4/23/21, 3:59 pm
Allan
I DID NOT FORWARD THIS - IT'S A HACK! DON'T CLICK IT!!!
Mike
Wow. OK. Thanks Allan.
4/24/21, 9:28 pm
Mike
When the 350 pound man finally lost 200 pounds, why did his nagging wife,
who he could never please, give him a hard time?
4/24/21, 10:04 pm
Mike
Because he had lost 200 pounds playing England's National Lottery!
4/25/21, 12:33 pm
Allan
LOL, you got me!!
4/25/21, 1:03 pm
Mike
YAY!!
4/27/21, 12:01 am
Mike
What did the detective say on discovering the hooker misrepresented her
95-year old client as her "grandfather" in her contacts journal?
"That's the oldest trick in the book."
4/27/21, 6:39 pm
Allan
Why was the woman who trained girls to work in a brothel she founded
right after she graduated from high school so successful?
Mike
Because she graduated Magna Cum Lotta?
Allan
Haha, no! It was because she'd taken some ho making classes.
4/27/21, 7:14 pm
Mike
And Santa would greet the girls in training, "Ho! Ho! Ho!" 1Mike
Ho making class! That's actually really funny. I think I know some girls that took that course.
1Allan
And of course Santa nicknamed them
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen.
Mike
And, I know someone else who took that ho making class. Yo mama.
Oh wait a minute. Yo mama is my mama. Oops. I take it back.
Allan
It was Yo Madam.
4/29/21, 4:47 pm
Mike
As she got up in the morning, why did the pimp force his anorexic prostitute
to eat a big fatty breakfast. Because he wanted to broaden his whore risin'.
4/29/21, 7:35 pm
Allan
Hahahaha
Allan
Oh, BTW, Santa named all his 'hos that way because they were deer to him.
4/29/21, 9:24 pm
Mike
And, did you know Santa's deer actually rule the North Pole. That's why they are called Reign Deer.
4/30/21, 1:25 am
Allan
OMG, haha
5/12/21, 4:36 pm
Allan
I can't even imagine what Mom would have thought of this!
Song Of Olympia
Andre Rieu
5/12/21, 5:44 pm
Mike
I think Mom would have loved it.
5/12/21, 10:40 pm
Allan
5/16/21, 5:35 pm
Mike
What do frustrated tennis players and the FBI have in common?
They both break up rackets!
5/16/21, 7:09 pm
Allan
Clearly, a contempt of court.
Mike
Nice!
5/17/21, 3:24 pm
Mike
Are you a member of the Facebook group called
"Manhattan Beach Haunts That No Longer Exist?" It's a fun one.
Mike
Why was the tennis player jailed after smashing his racquet?
Contempt of court. That's a good one Allan.
5/18/21, 3:12 pm
Mike
What do you call a guy who gets arrested for ejaculating in public?
Dumb as they cum. Sorry, no photo attachment.
5/18/21, 9:48 pm
Allan
Aw cum on, don't be so hard-on the guy.
5/20/21, 6:08 pm
Mike
She's hot alright. Why does borsch not pay its debts? It's dead beets.
Mike
She's hot all right was for Jeremy. I forgot to delete it for you.
5/21/21, 12:26 am
Mike
Kiss me you fool!
5/21/21, 12:42 am
Allan
You're killing me!!!
5/21/21, 11:49 am
Mike
A question that answers itself.
5/21/21, 3:12 pm
Allan
I'd love to see AOC with her diaper off.
Mike
The only debate I'd like to have with AOC would be "My place or yours?"
5/22/21, 12:26 pm
Mike
Why is a gay man on a pull-up bar an easy target for a pickpocket?
Low hanging fruit.
5/22/21, 5:27 pm
Allan
Oh. And you with the blonde hair? Also a target?
Mike
I promise you I am not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with it.
Mike
Do you know where that line comes from?
Allan
Steinberg.
Mike
What?? Did you mean Seinfeld? If so, yes.
Allan
Oh, yes. I meant Seinfeld. You, know, when you're old your
memory edges out.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Mike
Lol!!
Mike
Did you know that we could video chat with Facebook Messenger?
When we're presentable that is.
Allan
I'm never presentable! I hate seeing myself on a computer screen!
Mike
Does that mean no you don't want to. You could always just
cover up that small portion of the screen with your hand while
you're talking to somebody
Mike
Or just put some masking tape on the screen that shows
your face while you're talking to somebody else
Mike
I feel the same way you do about that but I still do it once in awhile.
Allan
I hate hearing my voice, also.
Mike
You have a very nice voice Allan and you look great. It's all in your head.
Mike
I'm sure I don't have to tell you that you're the only one in
the world that thinks that way about your appearance and
your voice.
Allan
Hmmm. So maybe I hate everything in my head?
1
Mike
Maybe not.
Allan
All last night I kept trying to imitate Roy Orbison. No luck there.
Mike
I tried the same thing sometimes. It's impossible. I'm off to get my eyes
examined for some new glasses
Allan
I need those too! OK, good luck!
MikeAllan
5/22/21, 7:06 pm
Allan
Later, we should contact K. D. Lang for some training.
Mike
[entered a brief recording undownloadable]
0:18
Mike
Whatever happened to KD Lang?. She was great. I saw her doing a live concert
on video and she was really funny too.
5/22/21, 7:33 pm
Allan
Here she is.
The release of #makeover is almost here! To celebrate,
we've made a limited-edition (100) poster, featuring paper
doll illustrations of k.d.'s most iconic looks! The illustrations
were made by a fan - Katja Virtanen of Finland - and
proceeds from this poster will go to @world_wildlife.
Get yours while they're available at https://smarturl.it/kdlangstore
(and don't forget to pre-order makeover while you're there!)
- k.d. mgmt
k.d. lang
Mike
Wow she's still kickin.' I hope she's okay because
she doesn't look real healthy.
5/22/21, 10:30 pm
Allan
She just look's old, that's all!
5/22/21, 11:06 pm
Mike
To me she looks like she has the bloated face of a drinker.
Mike
I can't remember if I told you or not but I haven't had a
drink in 3 years and 8 months.
Mike
I think maybe I told you because I'm remembering you
said you were going to tell Elizabeth. Unless I I made that up.
5/23/21, 11:44 am
Allan
On Tuesday my doctor told me to drink eight glasses of
water a day! And yes I told Elizabeth about your success!
Mike
I know that eight glasses of water a day is always recommended. I
really have to drink more water my skin is so dry and I just have a
hard time drinking water. I don't know why. Even my cats are better
about drinking water than I am.
5/23/21, 12:28 pm
Mike
Hi Allan I took a closer look at that picture of KD Lang and I don't think
she looks like an alcoholic. That was just my first impression for some
reason but you're right she's just older and her face is filled out more.
I should not have rushed to judgment. You didn't tell me what you thought
of my spot-on impression of Roy Orbison.
5/23/21, 1:04 pm
Allan
Haha, I liked your impression of Roy Orbison! Man, he goes back to my
high school years. The song I keep trying to sing to myself is "Only the Lonely" . . .
Mike
The one that I used to fool around with and try to play and sing was In Dreams.
What a great song that is. It was used in that crazy movie called Blue Velvet.
Did you ever see that?
Allan
Oh. Yes! He didn't write that one . . . I love the ones he wrote especially . . .
Mike
I didn't know that he didn't write that song.
Allan
Maybe I'm wrong . . .
Allan
OH, I guess I'm wrong . . .
In Dreams (Roy Orbison song) - Wikipedia
en.wikipedia.orgMike
Thanks.
Allan
I got that song mixed up with this one:
Dream Baby (How Long Must I Dream) - Wikipedia
en.wikipedia.orgMike
That's the song I was trying to impersonate him that I sent you.
I didn't know he didn't write that one.
Allan
OH! My brain is in a confussional state, as always . . .
Mike
Roy Orbison - In Dreams
youtube.com
Here's the video of that song in Blue Velvet
Mike
So creepy in the movie.
Allan
I'll watch it later - I'm off to see Elizabeth, for the first time in
about two weeks! What a world.
Mike
Yay Elizabeth! Tell her hi for me.
Allan
OK!
5/23/21, 2:30 pm
Mike
I feel good!
5/24/21, 10:37 pm
Mike
See the kitty all white and black.
She does her sleepin' on her back.
Oh yeah! Baby what I say!
And so forth
5/24/21, 11:35 pm
Allan
Does she do the boogie-woogie all night long?
Mike
Oh yeah baby what I say. baby what I say. Hey baby what I say.
5/26/21, 8:33 pm
Allan
When Mr. Roosevelt and Chuck discussed opening a toy shop
for little kids, what did they plan on calling the store?
Mike
Teddy's & Charlie's Stuffed Toys "R" Us.
5/26/21, 10:22 pm
Allan
Nope. "Teddy Berry" !
Mike
Good one! When you said Chuck I thought you meant our brother so I was
trying to figure out how Chuck fits in to the solution of the riddle. My mistake.
I like my answer better than the real answer. Oh yeah!
5/26/21, 11:06 pm
Allan
Well, then, just so you know, I'm famous . . .
Mike
Are the consultant for the series?
5/26/21, 11:29 pm
Allan
Yes, and it's all about me.
5/28/21, 10:50 pm
Mike
After giving the medical student an "F" for cheating on the
olfactory senses exam, what did the professor tell her?
Your answers didn't pass the smell test.
Allan
How did the owl pass the smell test?
Hoo nose.
Mike
Excellent!
Allan
I apologize for that.
5/29/21, 2:23 am
Mike
5/30/21, 6:12 pm
Allan
Just to let you know, I only watch Netflix TV shows
that are about me, and that I've produced and directed myself.
5/30/21, 6:29 pm
Mike
Okey Dokey. Whatever you say goes.
5/31/21, 10:43 pm
Mike
After the audit, why did the IRS arrest the accountant who engaged
in censorship by burning controversial works of literature?
He was guilty of cooking the books.
6/1/21, 12:04 am
Allan
Why was the cop arrested for dishonestly arresting restaurant
workers and putting them in jail on false pretenses?
He was guilty of booking the cooks.
6/1/21, 12:05 pm
Mike
Nice!
6/4/21, 1:47 pm
Mike
What's it called when a fisherman hooks and reels in a dead body?
Hook, line and stinker.
6/5/21, 1:06 am
Allan
All three of us brothers are into casting.
Mike
I'm good at aspersions.
Allan
Hmmm. "A sprinkling with water especially in religious ceremonies
the aspersion of the congregation before Mass."
Mike
Donkeys from Persia: Ass Persians.
Allan
hahaha, I give up! To bed!
Mike
Me too.
6/5/21, 2:38 am
Allan
When you're awake, here are some TV shows and movies you might like:
http://artarchives.net/netflix/critically_acclaimed.html
6/5/21, 2:14 pm
Mike
OMG Allan. Have you always had this obsession with your first name?
I'll bet my first name is in more titles of books, movies, and songs than
yours is. But don't make me prove it. For example, have you ever
heard a song titled "Allan Row The Boat Ashore?" I rest my case.
6/5/21, 10:53 pm
Allan
You're right, "Michael" is everywhere.
http://artarchives.net/netflix/tv/critically_acclaimed.htmlMike
"Monkey Shines" by George A. Romero: Athlete Allan (Jason Beghe)
becomes quadriplegic after a horrific traffic accident. His friend Geoffrey
(John Pankow), who is conducting experiments with monkeys, offers
Allan a well-trained monkey named Ella to keep him company and
raise his spirits. But the initially healthy bond, which even enables Allan
to form a romantic relationship with Melanie (Kate McNeil), gradually
disintegrates once Ella begins to channel Allan's underlying rage and
takes it out on his loved ones.
Mike
I trying to decide what to watch on Popcornflix.com. Croczilla, Spiders II,
Spiders 3D, Mosquito Man, Howl, Blood Moon, The Creature Below,
Crawl or Die, & more. Too many choices and I just can't decide.
Watch Free Movies & TV Shows Online | Popcornflix
popcornflix.com
6/6/21, 12:40 am
Allan
Well . . . just click that second link I just sent you.
6/6/21, 12:58 pm
Mike
6/6/21, 8:36 pm
Allan
I don't get this -- are you saying you never saw the second link?
http://artarchives.net/netflix/tv/critically_acclaimed.html
6/7/21, 1:33 am
Mike
Yes, I saw it. I like "The Michael Who Harnessed the Wind."
Because I'm always blowin' a lotta hot wind.
6/7/21, 1:23 pm
Allan
That was Elizabeth's favorite also.
6/8/21, 10:26 pm
Allan
How about Mike Me, The Mike Booth, and The Mitchells vs the Michael?
http://artarchives.net/netflix/tv/critically_acclaimed.htmlMike
How about "Open Mike Night?"
Allan
I'll have to search for that.
Mike
Open Mike Nights are only for singers or poets.
You probably never performed at one.
6/9/21, 3:38 am
Allan
I guess you missed all my evenings at the Insomniac . . .
6/9/21, 1:04 pm
Mike
Apparently so. I saw Dennis Lomax play there one time.
6/9/21, 1:54 pm
AllanAllan
He's still around, BTW, and on Facebook. I love his Quora page:
Abd Ul-Rahman Lomax
quora.com
6/10/21, 12:07 pm
Mike
RAW: Andrews High principal sings
'I Will Always Love You' to Class of 2021
youtube.com
6/10/21, 1:04 pm
Mike
Do you remember Mr. Gossard singing a beautiful song to your
class at your high school graduation ceremony? I don't either.
6/10/21, 8:34 pm
Allan
Me neither. What I do remember is him telling me I couldn't attend
the graduation ceremony unless I got a haircut.
Allan
And wow, weirdly I've never heard a man sign that Dolly Parton song!
6/11/21, 3:28 pm
Mike
Not for the sqeemish: Why did the jury not believe the accused's
testimony that he never asked the female undercover cop to
deepthroat him? Because it was a little hard to swallow.
6/12/21, 1:18 am
Allan
Hmmm. What is a "tingle"?
Mike
Hmmm. Have you been drinking?
6/12/21, 1:39 am
Mike
I just watched "The "Informer" movie on Amazon Prime.
It's really good if you haven't seen it. The last 20 to 30 minutes
are really dramatic. It's a really good movie.
6/12/21, 3:47 pm
Mike
Why did President Trump present to the Queen of England
umbrellas for all of Buckingham Palace?
Because he was told, concerning the Monarchy,
it "rains" always over the United Kingdom.
6/12/21, 4:32 pm
Allan
It also rains everywhere else, I lived there for 5 months.
Mike
I remember you told me that.
Allan
6/13/21, 1:51 pm
Mike
Hi Allan. Today I am leaving for Colorado and I'll be gone for a little over
two weeks. I'm driving out there. Just wanted you to know in case something
comes up. I love you.
6/13/21, 10:45 pm
Allan
So lucky! Say hi to Shael (if you see her!) And to Jeremy!
Drive safely . . . Love to you.
6/13/21, 11:19 pm
Mike
I am staying with Shael and Jeremy and his kids are coming
for next weekend so it's going to be a fun time.
Mike
Thanks Allan. I will tell everyone that you send your love.
6/20/21, 12:55 am
Allan
Hi - let me know if you're OK - driving through dinosaur land!
Mike
Hi Allan. I arrived in Aspen last Tuesday. And today we went
to a lake with Jeremy and his two kids and a friend of theirs which
was a blast. And we saw Shael's sister, Ta3/up there. Anyway it was
an easy drive from San Pedo. I took it easy on the way and made
it safe and sound and everything's great. Thanks for writing Allan
I love you.
6/21/21, 5:02 am
Allan
6/21/21, 3:10 pm
Allan
I'm happy and envious! Love to you . . .
Allan
OH.And I finished my "Netflix" page.It's now the "Top 100." Show the page to Jeremy!
http://artarchives.net/netflix/critically_acclaimed.html
6/21/21, 3:59 pm
Mike
I can't believe you found so many movies with your name in it.
With the correct spelling. I'll definitely send this to Jeremy.
Are you planning on doing something commercially with it?
Mike
You faked me out Allan. I thought you really found a hundred
movies with your name in it. Darn I hate it when you fool me.
Mike
I just forwarded it to Jeremy.
Allan
LOL, I thought you'd know right away, back a week or so ago hahaha
Mike
Legally Allan tipped me off.
Mike
You fooled me up until today.
Allan
Shame on me. But if I fool you again, shame on you.
6/22/21, 10:23 am
Mike
https://youtube.com/watch?v=rQ6N-sb7SVQ&feature=share
George W. Bush "Fool me once, shame on, shame on you."
youtube.com
6/23/21, 9:15 am
Mike
6/23/21, 11:32 am
Allan
6/26/21, 9:07 pm
Mike
6/26/21, 10:01 pm
Allan
6/28/21, 6:42 pm
Mike
I'm leaving for home tomorrow from Colorado.
I had a great time with Shael.
1
6/28/21, 11:03 pm
Allan
This is a picture of Shael???
6/29/21, 1:12 am
Mike
Yes.
6/29/21, 2:40 pm
Allan
6/29/21, 3:19 pm
Mike
7/3/21, 8:04 pm
Mike
Allan, how does a New Yorker tell a woman she's extremely slutty?
"You are SoHo."
7/3/21, 10:29 pm
Allan
And she responds, I'm NoHo.
Mike
Excellent retort.
7/4/21, 12:38 am
Allan
7/4/21, 12:59 pm
Mike
What's the easiest way to say that an extremely mediocre
Soho prostitute embroiders unusually uninspired.
So so-so Soho ho sews so so-so.
7/4/21, 2:33 pm
Allan
You are killing me.
Allan
Is there any prostitute living in NoHo who has
never lived through the winter in New York?
No no, no NoHo ho knows no snow.
7/4/21, 3:44 pm
Mike
7/10/21, 12:07 am
Mike
I've wondered for a long time where you got the idea for your Thanks Bars.
I think I've finally discovered the answer.
7/10/21, 3:32 pm
Allan
Wow, you're quite the detective! But, no, you're wrong.
This was where I got the idea.
7/10/21, 7:29 pm
Mike
How do you do that?
7/11/21, 12:26 am
Allan
I'm an artistic genius,
7/11/21, 2:57 pm
Mike
If you're such a genius, why did you misspell "artistic?"
Mike
Made you look!
Allan
Haha
7/11/21, 3:50 pm
Mike
What do you call getting hit in the face unexpectedly by an arctic rooster?
Cold Cocked!
7/11/21, 5:02 pm
Allan
I WISH THINGS WERE COLDER, THAT'S FOR SURE . . .
7/16/21, 2:20 am
Mike
Hi Allan. I just got a long, rambling & a little incoherent text message from Lisa Kazan.
I don't mind if she texts me sometimes. It's very infrequent. Is she a drinker?
That's what her text seemed like.
7/16/21, 11:18 am
Allan
She maybe is. But she's also very ill, and takes some sort of drug that
makes her weird, so her sister tells me. She's lost a lot of friends, and
she had a child who died. She's not in good shape. She got nasty to me
and dropped our facebook friendship because I didn't message her often
enough. But yesterday, after many months, I tried to friend her again and
she accepted. Although at first she thought it was a "fake" Allan McCollum,
haha. It's difficult knowing her . . .
7/17/21, 2:19 pm
Mike
7/17/21, 4:14 pm
Allan
OK, if you say so!
7/18/21, 12:48 am
Mike
Hi Allan. Today I was thinking more about the message I got from Lisa Kazan. and what
you told me about her and you friending her on Facebook after some time that you were
not communicating with her. And I think it really shows your good character because
I know she's a real challenge to communicate with. I don't think I would have done what
you did to stay in touch with her. The text she sent me last night was not the first time
she has texted me things that didn't seem to make a whole lot of sense. It's obvious that
she was very pleased enough to tell me about you friending her. So, I think it was really
nice of you to invite her to stay in touch.
7/21/21, 1:39 am
Allan
My memory is bad. The Mills Brothers, in 1944. Are these the correct lyrics? . . .
You always hurt the one you love
The one you shouldn't hurt at all
You always take the sweetest rose
And crush it till the petals fall
You always break the kindest heart
With a hasty word you can't recall
So, if I broke your nose last night
It's because I love you most of all
7/21/21, 10:42 am
Mike
Yes. That's the jailhouse version for husbands after they've been arrested.
7/21/21, 11:29 am
Allan
Thanks! I'll check this book . . .
Texas Jailhouse Music: A Prison Band History
amazon.com
7/22/21, 4:17 pm
Mike forwarded a link
Perspective from someone born in 1900 on Coronavirus and Covid 19
youtube.com
7/22/21, 11:24 pm
Allan
I can't even imagine our grandparent's lives.
8/1/21, 5:20 pm
Allan
!!!!!
Rome Man Attacks Another with Knife Near Broad Street
coosavalleynews.com
8/1/21, 5:49 pm
Mike
Is this one of your jokes where you put my name in for somebody else's name?
8/1/21, 6:26 pm
Allan
Haha, NO, its a real picture I saw on a website!
8/1/21, 9:07 pm
Mike
Wow! Now I need to worry that I might end up on a criminal search
report because of having the exact same name of a criminal.
8/1/21, 10:30 pm
Allan
Be careful!
8/4/21, 12:38 pm
Mike forwarded a link
The reason rock n roll will never die. This made my day!
Hope it makes yours!
Gary
8/6/21, 10:19 pm
Mike
Hi Allan. Did you today use an Amazon.com birthday
eGift that I gave you last year on your birthday?
Amazon.com. Spend less. Smile more.
amazon.com
8/6/21, 10:40 pm
Allan
I finally figured it out! No, it was something you contributed to me on
Christmas, I think! I'm not sure about my birthday last year - I am so stupid!
Mike
I'm glad you figured out how to use it. I remember you told me you
didn't know how to use it, and I think I suggested that you ask Elizabeth
to help you. What did you buy on Amazon?
8/7/21, 11:34 am
Allan
I generally read detective novels! And I think I still have
the $30 for more. You've been so generous . . .
8/7/21, 12:43 pm
Mike
Great!
Allan
8/8/21, 7:23 pm
Mike
Enter
Mike
"BFS" (best friends sometimes)
8/8/21, 10:15 pm
Allan
At least you don't live alone!
8/8/21, 10:32 pm
Mike
Good point. I actually am a lot better since I got them.
8/8/21, 11:08 pm
Allan
This is making me a little crazy. Every day for the last two or three weeks,
this ad appears on my Facebook page. I can barely control myself.
Every time, I want to post, "Do you have whiskers on your skin again?"
8/9/21, 1:20 am
Mike
That's hilarious. Begin again. That's hilarious. Begin again.
That's hilarious. Begin again. That's hilarious. Begin again.
8/10/21, 12:17 am
Allan
I probably sent this link before . . . but the word "again" often reminds me of
the wonderful Terry Allen ... this is a recording from back in the '70s . . .
Terry Allen - I Just Left Myself (Official Audio)
youtube.com
8/10/21, 12:52 am
Mike
Thanks Allan. I'll listen to it tomorrow.
8/10/21, 9:49 pm
Mike
Allan, I just realized I sent the following message to someone else that
was supposed to go to you on your birthday:
Happy Birthday Allan!! I love you!
8/12/21, 3:09 pm
Allan
Thank you! I love you too!
Allan
Weird. I was sitting next to an elderly man on the subway today, and I heard him
mention to his friend that he was using a "reusable bag." I felt proud of him,
that he was being so environmentally conscientious. But as I listened to him
further, I realized he was referring to an old woman he was dating.
8/12/21, 4:36 pm
Mike
LOL! That's hilarious! But, try to remember not to tell that to an old lady.
At first I thought the joke was going to be about a colostomy bag with
a gross punchline. Thankfully it wasn't. .
Allan
Uh oh. I also sent this to Elizabeth.
Mike
Big mistake.
Allan
Mike McCollum sent you an invite to join Messenger.
8/14/21, 3:42 pm
Mike
What do you call frolicking in the hot tub with German ladies?
Frau licking! Do not repeat that to Elizabeth.
8/14/21, 5:33 pm
Allan
OMG, Mike!! Hahaha
Mike
Do you recognize the guy in the hot tub?
Allan
Rodney Dangerfield? With Farah Fawcett?
Mike
Yes, but one of them looks like Farah but it's not. It's from "Back to School."
8/15/21, 3:33 pm
Mike
Look what I found. It's #A-1 of your surrogates. I wonder if that means it's your very first one.
What do you think? Unfortuately, it's pretty chipped. Darn!
8/15/21, 4:32 pm
Allan
Where did you find this, Mike?? I can't figure it out. What are the measurements?
Was it Mom's or something?
Mike
You gave it to me a long time ago. For Christmas I think. When I went to Aspen
this June, Shael had boxed some things that I left there in 2011 when I moved
back to California. It's 4 7/8 by 6 inches. I also brought back a large "Thanks Bar"
that's olive green and number 79, 1997. You gave it to me also. It's in perfect
condition. Love, Mike
8/16/21, 11:59 am
AllanMike McCollum sent you an invite to join Messenger.
Mike
New Riddle: What am I? If you are "in" me, you are in control. If you are with me,
I can burden you. Lance Armstrong used one. I can be climbed on. There are
lots of me in the Rocky Mountains. I can cause abrasions like a new pair of shoes.
I am an important part of certain musical instruments. I can be a supportive structure.
WHAT AM I?
8/19/21, 7:38 pm
Allan
Are you a pedophile?
8/19/21, 8:21 pm
Mike
Is that your answer to my riddle, or, because you're a pedophile, you're wondering
if I am too? Can we just get back to the riddle without being distracted by your
unhealthy obsession with children?
AllanMike
Do you give up?
Allan
OK, I'll try! But too many "peds"!
Mike
What do you call a person sexually obsessed with childrens'
candy that comes in a cute little plastic dispenser?
A Pezophile.
8/21/21, 1:32 pm
Mike Missed audio call
8/21/21, 5:17 pm
Mike
Allan, there's a great concert in NYC that just started. You can stream it live at:
CNN USA Live (USA); Free TV from all over the world
freeintertv.com
8/21/21, 7:48 pm
Mike
Oh my God. The weather, lightening just stopped the show and everyone told to leave and seek shelter!!
8/21/21, 10:22 pm
Allan
Yep.
8/22/21, 12:39 am
Mike
I'm getting tired of my cat, Treatee. He's always on my case.
8/22/21, 11:59 am
Allan
lol
8/22/21, 5:34 pm
Mike
Allan, I just had the nicest conversation with Polly. She told me
several times that she thinks about you and me, and Chuck a lot.
She asked about how we're all doing and she sounded really good.
I'll talk to you soon.
8/23/21, 8:46 pm
Allan
Nice! Liz just told me that she ordered one of my catalogs for Polly . . .
Allan
So, is Treatee interesting? Or just into resting?
8/23/21, 9:15 pm
Mike
Good one Allan. Treatee is into resting except in the wee
morning hours when he's into terrorizing me and my apartment.
8/23/21, 9:56 pm
Mike
Yes sir, he's definitely into resting.
AllanMike
8/26/21, 1:53 pm
Mike
After only one drink, why did the drunkard drop the bottle?
He couldn't hold his liquor.
8/26/21, 7:49 pm
Allan
I think I will just let this one go.
8/26/21, 8:07 pm
Mike
8/29/21, 4:07 pm
Mike
This is one of the funniest true stories I've ever heard. A friend,
Lina, has two grown sons, Kal and Nasser. When Nasser was five
he learned in kindergarten about calling 911 for emergencies. One
morning Kal, who was two years older, was jumping on Nasser's bed
and wouldn't stop. So, Nasser called 911. And then when the police
showed up, Nasser was nowhere to be found. Even at 5 years old
he knew he'd better disappear. After the police left, Nasser reappeared
from hiding in the bushes. What a hilarious thing to happen. But, I'm
sure at the time, Lina didn't think it was very funny. She does now.
8/29/21, 4:39 pm
Allan
8/30/21, 1:20 am
Allan
OK, just to let you see how proper my language has become, as I spent
a couple of hours cutting and pasting part of today's New York Times webpage.
Mike
And, I thought I was a little demented. You just won the blue ribbon.
8/30/21, 1:33 pm
Allan
I'm so proud!
9/2/21, 7:16 am
Mike
Hi Allan. I'm hearing about NYC flooding. It sounds pretty bad. Did you
get the flashlight I sent you. It was delivered to your building on August 27
according to USPS.
9/2/21, 11:21 am
Allan
Hi, oh, yes I got it! I wrote a thanks note this morning. So nice of you.
Regarding the flash floods, I must have slept through all that. I hope it
didn't go through my doors at my storage building in Brooklyn, sigh.
I do keep everything 6" above the floor, in case of that, at the building
isn't in the PRIMARY flood zone of the city. I hope. I'm feeling a little
freaked out about all this weather stuff, and overwhelmed with work.
I'm not very happy these days, sigh.
Allan
I looked up my address on a NYC "Flood Zone" website, and it said:
This property is currently in an area of minimal flood hazard.
9/2/21, 12:02 pm
Mike
I hope your art in Brooklyn is OK too. What work are you being overwhelmed with?
New art projects? Be careful in NY. Earlier this morning I saw a news video of
people in a subway train that had 1-2 feet of flood water in it.
9/2/21, 12:54 pm
Allan
I saw that, haha. So crazy. Thank god I have nothing stored in a basement.
9/2/21, 1:58 pm
Mike
What did James Brown say when his father married an ugly, old lady?
9/2/21, 3:23 pm
Allan
Hopefully re-usable!!
9/2/21, 5:08 pm
Mike
9/2/21, 5:37 pm
Mike
And, doesn't leak. Oops that was gross.
9/2/21, 9:53 pm
Mike
Treat's under my couch doing some repair work.
9/3/21, 8:54 pm
Allan
You are a lucky guy.
9/4/21, 2:25 pm
Mike
Gracie is bugging me. She won't leave me alone! She's just a needy, serial pleasure seeker.
And, like most females, she can't get enough of me.
9/4/21, 7:08 pm
Allan
Amazing Gracie, how sweet the sound.
9/6/21, 2:29 pm
Mike
Why did the farm supply business owner get upset when the
customer returned the moldy grain for chickens?
Because the customer gave the business bad feed back.1
9/6/21, 4:13 pm
Allan
Yuk Yuck Cluck
9/9/21, 3:29 pm
Mike
Jeffrey Toobin got his job back at CNN. Good.
I made up a little rhyme for him:
Wack off in your room, even if you're in a Zoom.
9/25/21, 3:19 pm
Mike
I have a great idea for criminals. You make an appointment
with a neurologist. Tell him you think you might be having
memory problems. On purpose you fail miserably all memory
tests you are given. For good measure, you repeat yourself
over & over to the doctor. You get a report that shows you have
serious memory issues with dementia. Then you commit your
crimes. But, when you are interrogated you just keep saying
I don't remember. No jury could find you guilty of lying because
your doctor will come in and testify you can't remember anything
and you're seriously ill with dimentia. Case closed.
Allan
I think I'll forget this, haha!
Mike
Probably a good idea.
Allan
9/26/21, 4:08 pm
Allan
Will you be dropping my the opening? I wish I could be in L.A.
longer that the 2-1/2 days, sigh . . .
http://artarchives.net/marcselwynfineart.com/allanmccollum.html
Allan McCollum 'Traces' Opens October 2nd
artarchives.netMike
Yes for sure. I told a good friend of mine to come. I don't know if he will.
I also invited Lina. I don't know if she can either. Chuck told me he's going.
What do you think would be a good time so we can spend at least a little
time with you?
Mike
PS. I love the art you are showing.
9/26/21, 4:40 pm
Allan
Hi, I don't know about the times - says he'll probably be there between
3:30 and 4:00. So you can choose whatever. BiBi said she's coming,
with the kids, haha. I keep wondering - where the heck does one park
their car around there?
Allan
Not just "says," I typed "Chuck says" . . .
9/26/21, 5:07 pm
Mike
I think I'll get there earlier. Maybe around noon. There might not
be a big crowd yet then and I could visit with you more.
9/27/21, 10:35 am
Allan
OK! I don't know if there's going to be a "big crowd," haha!
9/27/21, 11:55 am
Mike
I hope there will.
10/2/21, 9:35 pm
Mike
10/2/21, 11:38 pm
Allan
Now THERE'S a big crowd!!! Mike
I know right?
10/3/21, 12:33 pm
Allan
My hearing AND my memory is drooping - who are the couple, that nice f
10/3/21, 3:59 pm
Mike
That is Hunter Shaw and Blakesley. They are married.
I've known Hunter since he born.
They have an art gallery in L.A. it's the
http://huntershawfineart.com
Hunter Shaw Fine Art Gallery1Mike
I sent you the Link to Hunter's gallery above.
10/3/21, 6:13 pm
Allan
Haha, Elizabeth told me he said you were his uncle! How could that be true?
How have you known him since he was born Who is his mother?
10/3/21, 6:45 pm
Mike
Hunter has called me that since he was a little boy. And he still does sometimes.
So does his wife. It's the same as we used call Aunt Ann and Uncle George.
Mike
Do you remember seeing Eddie at Mom's memorial event? That was Aunt Ann's son.
I don't think he was Uncle George's son. And do you remember Aunt Ann's daughter, Joanne?
I think Eddie and Joanne had the same father. So, Aunt Ann must have had a husband
before Uncle George.
Allan
Yes, of course - It was so nice that Eddie came. AND, yes, fond
memories of Joanne. But who was HUNTER'S mother and father?
Allan
OMG, Mike - has Jeremy and his wife divorced??
Allan
That's TWO questions.
10/3/21, 8:23 pm
Mike
George and Teena Shaw. Very good friends of mine and Shael.
Awesome people. Tonight Shael is having dinner with them.
Mike
Yes Jeremy and Ashley divorced quite a while ago.
Why did you ask that?
10/4/21, 12:35 am
Allan
That's sad! He described himself on Facebook as starting a bachelor life!
10/4/21, 1:13 am
Mike
Recently?
Allan
haha, yes . . . he said, " I was sporting a little too much of that bachelor
vibe by having almost nothing hung up before."
Mike
I don't get it. "having almost nothing hung up before??"
10/4/21, 3:40 am
Allan
I think he was hang a bunch of his kid's art on the walls,
you see. How long ago did they divorce?
10/4/21, 9:02 pm
Mike
Allan, I don't remember. They were having marital problems when
I lived in Aspen. I left Aspen in 2010. I think its been over 5 or 6
years that they've been divorced.
Allan
OMG. I had no idea. I'm so out of the loop!
10/4/21, 9:57 pm
Mike
Casey and Amelia spend time with both parents. I don't know
if there's a formal schedule. But, I think they have joint custody.
10/5/21, 11:22 am
Allan
I'm guessing she divorced him because she didn't want to
have another child with the name Holden My Colon.
10/5/21, 12:14 pm
Mike
That sounds familiar. But, where did that come from?
10/5/21, 11:35 pm
Allan
Haha, you don't remember that his wife wanted him to change
his last name, and he seriously considered it?
10/6/21, 2:05 am
Mike
It sounds a little familiar.
10/6/21, 11:28 pm
Allan
My memory may be a bit off, but I think she wanted to name a son "Holden"
due to her love for the Holden Caulfield character in the book: Catcher in the Rye":
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holden_Caulfield
Holden Caulfield - Wikipedia
en.wikipedia.orgMike
Here is my memory about it. Jeremy called me while I was at work
and asked me how I would feel if he changed his last name. He said
that Ashley always liked the name Holden from Catcher in the Rye and
I think she wanted Jeremy to change his last name to Holden.
I told him that I would rather he did not do that but that he's a grown
man and it's his decision. That's how I remember it. And I guess he
decided not to do that.
Mike
But here's the kicker. I said something about it this summer and he told me
it hadn't been Ashley's idea. It had been his idea. So, either he lied to me
when he asked me what I I thought about the idea or he's mistaken now
that it was his idea and not Ashley's. We'll never know.
10/7/21, 12:27 am
Allan
Haha. BUT, my memory was that they didn't want a name like
"Holden McCollum" to sound like "Holding My Colon"! So that
would be "Holden" as the FIRST name as the issue, haha.
My memory is that "they" wanted to change his LAST name!
10/7/21, 4:50 pm
Allan
Maybe you, me, and Jeremy are having memory problems with old age, haha
Mike
I know I am. No question about it. I don't know about you two.
10/9/21, 3:49 pm
Mike
I have a very good idea for you Allan. Your next art project you could design
one thing and make 10,000 copies of it. And it would still be in accordance
with no two being alike. That's because everybody knows there can never
be two things that are exactly alike in this world. I just saved you a ton of time,
work and expense.
Mike
You wouldn't have to deal with all those crazy formulas you always come up with.
10/9/21, 5:03 pm
Allan
Yes, but my computer printer doesn't work.
10/9/21, 5:43 pm
Mike
Do you know anybody that has an hour to spare to teach you how
and when to use the on/off switch?
10/10/21, 2:03 pm
Allan
So, I need to buy a "Computer Printers for Dummies" book, you're telling me?
10/10/21, 5:18 pm
Mike
It's worse than that. You'll need hands-on training by an expert to teach you the
Mike
And one more thing. You're welcome!!
10/11/21, 1:46 pm
Allan
I just love Terry Allen so much. This song from long, long ago:
Terry Allen - The Girl Who Danced Oklahoma (Official Audio)
youtube.com
10/11/21, 2:51 pm
Mike
Thanks Alan I'll listen to it later I'm working for doordash right now
until about 1 my time.
10/11/21, 5:11 pm
Allan
Ok, Mick.
10/11/21, 5:38 pm
Mike
ALLAN! Are you happy now?
10/11/21, 6:24 pm
AllanMike
10/16/21, 1:54 pm
Mike
I'll bet you didn't know that I could write limericks in Spanish:
Un hombre llamado Herrero
Queria comprar un sombrero.
Como muchos gente
Estoy caliente.
Pero el no tiene dinero.
10/16/21, 2:34 pm
Allan
Jajaja! But unfortunately when translated by Google Translate,
nothing rhymes.
A man named Blacksmith
He wanted to buy a hat.
Like many people I'm hot
But he has no money.
Allan
Wait shouldn't it be "El esta caliente", not "Estoy caliente"?
Mike
Yes, I realize I made mistakes using the first person instead of the
second in places. And the tense isn't always right. I failed miserably.
Shael pointed out the same errors to me. You guys are so critical!
10/16/21, 3:17 pm
Allan
haha, still, you're smarter at this than I am!
Mike
10/20/21, 9:29 pm
Mike
Unwinding and enjoying a beautiful evening from the balcony.
10/20/21, 11:30 pm
Allan
I'm envious. As I stare at the back of the brick buildings out my window.
10/21/21, 12:44 am
Mike
I am very lucky to still be near the water. I love it here.
10/21/21, 9:37 am
Allan
10/23/21, 1:26 pm
Mike
Allan, you told me a long time ago you don't like the expression "Have a good one"
because it doesn't specify what to have that's good. I thought about that for years.
So, the next time somebody says that to you, I think a good response for you would
be, "Have a good what? Have a good meal? Have a good wife? Have a good visit
with my shrink? What the fuck are you talking about?" How 'bout I have a good
time beating the livin' shit out of you?"
That could also serve as a good ice breaker
for making new friends.
10/23/21, 7:30 pm
Mike
10/23/21, 8:51 pm
Allan
10/24/21, 6:55 pm
Mike
Life Gets Tedious Don't It?
10/29/21, 12:22 pm
Mike
What did Abbott & Cosello ask the comedy club manager about
the order of of the acts performing?
"Who's on first?"
10/29/21, 1:16 pm
Allan
LOL!!!
10/31/21, 9:27 pm
Mike
Why did the homeowner go against established procedures by
calling a professional electrician to fix his plumbing?
He didn't know the proper pro to call.
10/31/21, 10:37 pm
Allan
LOL, this took me a while to get!!
11/4/21, 4:47 pm
Mike
I just watched a YouTube video about women in sports losing control. It shows
them fighting, kicking, punching, pulling hair, biting (yes I said biting) each other
on the soccer field, on the basketball court, the ju jitsu mat, even flipping out on
the badminton court. OMG, I'm so turned on right now.
Allan
Ha. Here's Dana Hey, a friend of mine:
Dana Hoey: "Can't Wait to Hit You in the Face*":
Violence, Victimhood, and Pictures | Cornell AAP
aap.cornell.eduAllan
I mean Hoey, not Hey.
Allan
Stupid autocorrect.
11/5/21, 4:10 pm
Mike
Here's an interesting philosophical question that just came up. If I spill some
no-sodium salt substitute, do I have to throw a pinch over my left shoulder to
ward off bad luck?
11/5/21, 6:38 pm
Allan
No.
11/7/21, 11:40 am
Allan
I "friended" another "Allan McCollum" just for fun. (allan.mccollum.5).
Whenever goes onto his page, haha, but I noticed it today - he has a friend named
"Michael McCollum" AND "Mary Ann McCollum"!
11/7/21, 11:55 am
Allan
"He never" not "Whenever"
11/7/21, 4:15 pm
Mike
Allan, do you expect me to believe what's written on any webpage you send me anymore?
Your days of fooling me by manipulating web pages are over. Have you never heard the
story of "The Little Boy Who Cried Wolf?"
Allan
Haha, check it out yourself!!
https://www.facebook.com/allan.mccollum.5
Allan McCollum
Mike
I did last nite. It's Fake.
Mike
Kidding.
Allan
Whew.
Mike
11/14/21, 3:59 pm
Allan
Hmmm. I'll have to go get my dictionary and look up the word "fun."
Mike
Allan, that is so sad. Come on out to San Pedro and I'll show you what it means.
11/16/21, 2:02 pm
Allan
Haha
11/25/21, 1:05 pm
Mike
11/27/21, 11:54 pm
Allan
I guess Forrest Gump left on the bus.
Mike McCollum sent you an invite to join Messenger.
Mike
Allan, you like creepy stories and so do I. On YouTube there are true
stories told by "MrBallen" who is an excellent story teller. The true
stories he tells are really good. Search "mrballen" on Youtube and
I think you will like his stories.
Allan
OK, tomorrow!
11/30/21, 2:46 pm
Mike
Here's a good one. Not for the squeamish. MrBallen. It's a pretty
awful story, so don't watch it if you don't want to.
What this man did will haunt you (*MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY*)
youtube.com
11/30/21, 3:21 pm
Allan
Uh oh. I'm not sure if I'm mature.
Mike
I'm sure you're not. But, seriously it's horrible and disturbing
crimes commited. That's why I'm forwarning you.
11/30/21, 11:16 pm
Allan
OMG. Tampa.
12/3/21, 12:07 pm
Mike
12/9/21, 9:27 pm
Mike
Allan, did you know Chuck had a small part on CSI Vegas that aired last night?
If you want to see it, go to 17 minutes in at:
https://www.cbs.com/shows/csi-vegas/video/42C57oPI68GbG_j1bqEygQUfo_
YxqFS0/csi-vegas-signed-sealed-delivered/
Watch CSI: Vegas Season 1 Episode 10: Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Full show on CBS
cbs.com
12/13/21, 12:06 am
Mike
There's a slight, cool breeze here tonight in beautiful San Pedro.
12/13/21, 1:22 am
Allan
Wow. Is this really San Pedro tonight???
. . . .
1/2/21, 6:10 pm Mike STYLIN'
1/3/21, 4:12 pm Allan Mike I love you!!! And thank you so much for the Amazon gift! I'm feeling so mentally ill, so to speak, I'm hating all the stuff going on. And I'm sorry about your green cat. At least you live with someone. And of course happy cartoons help. I hope things get better soon . . . Mike I'm feeling a little cabin feverish also. I'm glad my texts lifted you somewhat. And, I love you too. 1/7/21, 2:20 pm Mike I'm so tired of commercials on CNN. Everyone in them are always smiling, laughing, dancing, and having a great old time always. As if life is bowl of cherrys. Get real! It's hard times in America sir!
1/8/21, 4:47 pm Mike forwarded a video 1/8/21, 5:59 pm Mike Allan, you and Chuck are not the only family artists anymore. I think this turned out really well. It's my cat, Treatee.
1/10/21, 3:01 pm Allan What are you talking about? You've always been an artist . . .
1/10/21, 3:58 pm Mike Allan, how did you get that? Mike Mike McCollum presents Lazy Lion. I don't remember Lazy Lion. I do remember I had a character named Baddy Bull. Mike Thanks Allan. I tried to follow the story of the cartoon but I couldn't. 1/10/21, 5:06 pm Allan Haha, I think maybe the last page is missing! I couldn't resolve the ending either! 1/11/21, 5:29 pm Mike It looks like Baddy Bull is in the cartoon but wasn't named then. "Lazy Lion," super hero, is pretty funny. He lounges on a hammock Mike Until called for help. 1/12/21, 8:04 pm Mike I love my new couch!
1/13/21, 2:49 am Allan Apparently you're not the only one ...
1/17/21, 11:10 pm Mike Goodnight Allan. Sweet dreams. I love you.
1/19/21, 1:36 am Allan I love you, sweet dreams to you too. 1/20/21, 11:23 pm Mike Allan if you still have Netflix, you should see "Vanished" if you haven't. It's good and has a really good ending that you'll never guess. 1/22/21, 7:25 pm Mike Allan, I'm watching and listening on YouTube to a full orchestra playing Ravel's Bolero. SO GOOD! 1/24/21, 3:57 pm Allan "Vanished" or "The Vanished"? I have to plan for tonight! Mike Make plans for, "The Vanished." I think you'll like it. Let me know when you've seen it. I want to ask you about something that happened in the story. P.S. I have an appointment for my first covid vaccination on February 18. I hope L.A. will have enough by then. 1/24/21, 11:34 pm Allan OK, Elizabeth and I watched that crazy movie. So let me guess your question? You want to know what "RV" stands for? Oh, I'm so jealous you're getting the vaccination! I've tried to make an appointment, but no luck yet! 1/25/21, 12:10 am Mike Keep trying Allan. My question is what happened to the other wife in the boat? She went overboard and so did her husband. The husband got stabbed to death but I don't remember that the movie told us what happened to the wife. I thought she or her body was going to pop up later in the movie. What did I miss? 1/25/21, 1:24 am Allan In the last 5 or 6 minutes of the film, there's shot of her floating dead underwater . . . does that count? Mike I think I thought it was the husband who was stabbed. Allan It was! They pulled his body out earlier in the film! Had him on a stretcher in a body bag, showed his face and everything! Found Paul's hair under his ring! Mike OK thanks Allan. Allan Haha. 1/31/21, 12:34 pm Mike Happy Sunday.
2/1/21, 12:20 am Allan
2/1/21, 11:52 am Mike I didn't remember I was such a prolific cartoonist. Where are you finding them? Some of Mom's stuff? 2/1/21, 4:08 pm Allan HI, no, I've had them for yers and years . . . mixed in with my OWN childhood cartoons. All my life, it seems. They were in one of my old school lunchboxes or something, something I'd been saving as long as I can remember. 2/1/21, 6:11 pm Mike Wow. Thanks for saving those. I had forgotten about those. Enter 2/2/21, 12:43 am Allan I'll scan more of them from time to time! Enter 2/3/21, 12:00 am Allan I'm guessing that you think this is one of the best records ever, as I do . . . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=es1uCh48TNY
He Stopped Loving Her Today youtube.com 2/3/21, 10:47 am Mike I had never listened closely to this song paying attention to the lyrics. Could the story be any sadder? It's a tear jerker. George Jones was one of the all-time best country artists. Such an original voice. Mike Here's one of my favorites - "Golden Ring" done by George Jones and Tammy Wynette.
George Jones and Tammy Wynette - Golden ring youtube.com 2/3/21, 3:07 pm Allan wow, this is nice - and sad, considering their mutual history. Do you know the recording by Al Urban, "Used Wedding Rings"? Used Wedding Rings 2:52 Allan And a beautiful version by our cousin Caroline:
Used Wedding Rings Mike Thanks Allan I will listen. I've never heard of the song. 2/3/21, 4:34 pm Allan It'a favorite of mine . . . Allan 2/3/21, 8:55 pm
2/5/21, 1:50 am Allan Yes, it'd a good idea to listen to a song. Or two people singing it. Well? Are you OK? 2/5/21, 10:39 am Mike Hi Allan. Everything is good here. I'm staying in mostly and being safe. 2/5/21, 4:09 pm Allan So you didn't like the song? 2/5/21, 4:46 pm Mike Hi Allan. I forgot to listen. I promise I will. Today's Mom's birthday. Allan I know, yes. Also sad was that my exhibition in Miami closed on the anniversary of the day she died. Mike
Allan why didn't you tell me that you sold some of your surrogates to the Bakersfield Courthouse. It's a lovely display. 2/10/21, 3:49 pm Allan I'm sorry, I plead guilty. Allan Why did the film producer ask Jeff to take over as the director of a film while the original director John was having emotional problems? 2/10/21, 6:29 pm Allan Because the producer preferred Bridges over troubled Waters. 2/10/21, 9:55 pm Mike
Good joke Allan. Allan Gee, thanks! [laugh] 0:11 Allan OK, why did the movie director want to hire Kevin to do a scene with Iam? Mike What is lam? 2/10/21, 10:52 pm Allan An actor! Mike You must mean "Ham." So it was a breakfast commercial for Bacon an Ham? Mike I give up. Allan haha, NO! Allan He wanted to bring Holm the Bacon.
Mike Ok I found Iam Holm. I saw him in a Lord of the Rings movie. Pretty sure in other movies to. Allan
https://drawingcenter.org/exhibitions/david-hammons/works/4 The Drawing Center drawingcenter.org Mike Allan, my phone is acting strange & won't open the link Allan 2/11/21, 7:00 pm Mike Got it:. David Hammons, Itty Bitty Titty Committee, 1979. Grease, pigment, and graphite on paper, 30 1/2 x 22 inches (77.5 x 55.9 cm). Hudgins Family Collection, New York. As Mom would say, "Now that's just downright vulgar." Allan You try to access webpages with your PHONE? Maybe you weren't using the correct area code . . . 2/12/21, 11:48 am Mike Why are there never any good jokes about pancakes? They always fall flat.
2/12/21, 12:33 pm Mike Missed video chat 12:33 PM 2/12/21, 1:47 pm Mike Escaped from prison was Greenwood, a country-singer icon, and I use that term loose Lee.
2/12/21, 2:45 pm Mike Or, "He was the greatest master ever of Karate, and I use that term Bruce Lee."
2/13/21, 12:42 pm Mike What is the proper, formal term for a patriarch's penis? Founding Member.
2/13/21, 5:28 pm Allan Ouch. Allan Once I told a friend about your song, "Remember Me," and he said, Oh, was he asking for his penis to be sewn back on? 2/13/21, 5:46 pm Mike That's just downright vulgar! 2/14/21, 7:26 am Allan Dumbell Doodler.
2/14/21, 11:41 am Mike Is that another of mine? I did it on the "Democratic Times." I must have been making a political cartoon about dumbell politicians who just doodle around. Coupled with a statement on violence in society and how it leads to prison or worse. I was a "law and order" guy before it was politically popular. Always ahead of my time. 2/14/21, 3:29 pm Mike What's it called when the cows take control of the ship? Herd immutiny!
2/14/21, 10:42 pm Allan The cow was able to steer the ship using her rudder Mike
2/16/21, 9:01 pm Mike This is funny. Shael told me that Stephen Colbert said we don't use the name "Trump" anymore. We say "former president." I think even that's too respectful. I would suggest "The T Word." 2/18/21, 2:51 pm Mike I'm very disappointed in myself. I stored Uncle Jonny's painting in a place that got water damage and it's ruined totally. IDIOT!!
2/19/21, 10:52 am Mike unsent a message Mike unsent a message 2/19/21, 12:06 pm Mike Oh no! eBay is showing your art right next to plastic erotic sculptures. One is a girl masterbating, and the other is a couple copulating while standing up. OH MY GOODNESS!
2/25/21, 11:00 pm Allan Seriously??? 2/26/21, 12:07 am Mike Did you not get the photo attachment that was supposed to come with my text? 2/26/21, 6:45 pm Allan Yes, I got it - but it wasn't a painting I'd ever seen before, in the family. And it didn't look like other paintings I've seen by him. I thought maybe you were joking. 2/26/21, 9:29 pm Mike You're talking about the Jon Gnagy painting. That was given to me by Polly when she gave some of his paintings away to the family. I am really disappointed that I let it get ruined. Mike I thought your "seriously?" text was about eBay displaying your art in the same row as some cheap, plastic erotic sculptures. 2/27/21, 4:30 pm Mike What was it called in the 1950's when you got the chance to show off your dance moves? That would be a bopportunity.=
2/27/21, 10:48 pm Allan I'll never be able to do better than this. Allan Mike, when one signs into eBay, it brings up all your previous searches. So it's clear whet your search history is. 2/27/21, 11:07 pm Allan And I don't mean maybe. 2/28/21, 1:55 am Mike You busted me. I just can't get enough of little cheap, plastic erotic figures.
3/1/21, 1:16 pm Allan You win, you win, you win, hahahahahah 3/1/21, 2:22 pm Allan Oh. Now I see where you got the joke. You stole it.
3/1/21, 3:02 pm Mike
Mike No, I don't read Robert Reich's posts. But, I figured I was not the first person to use that. Mike I know you Google my jokes in hopes of accusing me of Plagiarism. I'm on to you.
3/1/21, 6:47 pm Allan
I hope you know I made that jpg myself! haha Mike HAH! 3/1/21, 8:09 pm Allan This is the original. It came on facebook today!@!
3/1/21, 9:58 pm Mike You faked me out! That's a good one Allan. I thought Richard Reich's post was a little strange, but real. You got me!!
3/6/21, 5:42 pm Allan Don't put your greasy tongues where they don't belong.
3/9/21, 12:07 am Mike Now that's really funny. 3/9/21, 3:01 am Mike Gotta good Netflix movie for u: "Parker" with Jason Statham & Jennifer Lopez. It's real good. But, pretty violent & bloody in parts. Just the way we like 'em. 3/9/21, 3:04 pm Allan My laptop stopped working a few weeks ago, grr. I have to get a new one. Mike Darn! Mike 3:11 PM
Missed audio call 3/9/21, 7:28 pm Allan This is the woman at 3202 Dow! https://www.facebook.com/Knit-Creations-by-Rose-164156660332662/" Knit Creations by Rose Women's clothing store This was out fun exchange last year: August 16, 2020 Allan 3202 Dow! Where I grew up! August 16, 2020 Knit Creations by Rose We are only the second owners and taking care of your old house. How is your mother doing? August 16, 2020 8/16/20, 3:55 PM Allan Thank you for taking care of the house! I lived there from 1946 through 1966. I'm an artist, and now I live in New York City, the city where my father was born. Our mother passed away three years ago, lots of memories. She also knitted, and I have an afghan she made for me. Just for fun and memories, I just ordered a "Friendly black-white bag" by you from Timeless Treasures Boutiques! I wish you all the very best. I drive by and glance at the house almost every time I come to Los Angeles. August 16, 2020 Knit Creations by Rose Thank you very much for your order greatly appreciated. Sorry about your mom she lived a long productive life. We changed the back yard and now is a mini farm with 16 fruit trees and vegetables. Next time you drive by you can knock. Take care. August 16, 2020 8/16/20, 11:38 PM Allan Wow! 16 Fruit trees! This makes me happy. Thank you, take care you too. - August 25, 2020 8/25/20, 4:01 PM Allan Knit Creations by Rose HI, please let me know if you got your bag yesterday. August 26, 2020 8/26/20, 2:39 PM Allan Hi, yes I got it! It's making me happy. I hung it on a plastic hook from one of my bookcases, so I can see it all the time. I know, it must seem strange, haha. But it's beautiful, beautifully and lovingly made, and seeing it reminds me of my family history is some way. Thank you for this, Rose! Knit Creations by Rose sent August 26, 2020 Thanks to you for appreciating my work. September 10, 2020 9/10/20, 12:36 AM Allan Just a note. This is a picture of me at age 14 (1954) trying to do trick photography right under the living room front windows! It makes me laugh, remembering my goofy childhood at 3202 Dow!
September 10, 2020 Knit Creations by Rose Funny, are you a photographer? I remember you told me you are an artist. September 12, 2020 9/12/20, 12:25 AM Allan Haha, Not exactly, I work more as a sculptor, drawer, a painter - I don't know what I am! People call me a conceptualist. Back then I wanted to be a special effects filmmaker. Here's me: ALLAN McCOLLUM allanmccollum.net September 25, 2020 Knit Creations by Rose Finally we had a chance to look at your art. Impressive and amazing. You made us a celebrity in the family because we are living in your old house. Of course we are telling all our friends about you. September 26, 2020 Allan Haha, I read this last night and couldn't stop smiling, and I'm still smiling today! You made my day! And my night! Thank you Rose! 3/12/21, 3:22 pm Mike Why did the farmer get disqualified for entering a chicken in the horse race? Because, with regard to the rules, he ran a fowl.
3/13/21, 1:34 am Allan Mike, a chicken could never outrun a horse. Come on. 3/13/21, 7:26 am Mike Apparently, you've never heard of racing chickens. Not many have because it's illegal. The minute they're hatched they are trained in track and field until they are ready to enter competition. The winners are paid handsomely and that ain't chicken feed. 3/13/21, 1:27 pm Mike
3/14/21, 2:01 pm Mike
3/14/21, 2:33 pm Allan You have do get some sleep, relaxing can be exhausting. 3/14/21, 3:13 pm Mike Yes, but it's the only thing I'm good at. 3/17/21, 7:48 pm Mike What does a large, sexy woman give to a man? A lot to be desired.
3/21/21, 11:26 am Allan Isn't that the way a real estate agent tries to sell a piece of land? Mike Good one!
3/22/21, 11:40 am Mike Allan, this might be the only vintage rock song that starts out with singing about puctuation marks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URoRMjr9hGk Del Shannon - Handy Man (Lyrics) youtube.com Del Shannon - Handy Man (Lyrics) youtube.com 3/25/21, 5:24 pm Allan See if you can figure out the tune here: He said "I'll love you till I die" Shake it loose and let it fall As the years went slowly by, Like the shadows on the wall Come and lay down by my side Oh but I didn't see no tears All I'm takin' is your time First time I'd seen him smile in years Mike It's "Help me make it through the night," And "He Stopped Loving Her Today." Mike Right? Mike You mixed them together? That's pretty good. 3/25/21, 5:49 pm Allan It's basically the same tune! Allan I read in an article that George Jones used to get the two songs mixed up in his head . . . Mike I never heard that. Allan If you want to hear two smart women talk about my work in like an hour, sign up here! Here is the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URoRMjr9hGk Jennifer Jane Marshall in conversation with Stephanie Seidel on the work of Allan McCollum | Institute of Contemporary Art, Miami icamiami.org Mike Allan, this is not a good day for me to listen to it or watch it. I'm having my annual endoscopy very early tomorrow morning. And I'm focusing on getting things done before that. Are you going to be watching it and part of it? Allan It's only at 4pm in California. Yes I'll be watching it! I'm very fond of these two women, and their brains. Mike Is it something that can be saved to watch later? Do you know? Allan I don't know. The museum will save it in their "archives," they told me, but when I visit the website there's no link to any videos in something called "archives." The whole thing confuses me. Mike I just subscribed for the talk. I can listen to it while I'm doing the work I need to do. Allan I hope it's interesting. Stephanie is from Germany, living in Florida, and Jennifer is from Arizona, living in Minnesota. They both wrote texts that are in the eventually-to-be-released catalog. 3/25/21, 7:33 pm Mike I like them both. I can see why you do too. 3/25/21, 8:45 pm Mike A new take on that wonderful folk song, "Billy Boy." "Oh where have you been Billy Boy, Billy Boy. Oh where have you been charming Billy. I have been to see your wife in my crisis of midlife. She's a dumb thing and ugly as your mother."
3/25/21, 10:20 pm Mike Allan, I enjoyed the talk. I saw about a half hour of it and then the hospital called and had me on the phone for a half hour cuz I have that procedure tomorrow morning. 3/25/21, 11:36 pm Allan
Tenor GIF Keyboard
4/5/21, 9:22 pm Mike Oh Nooo! Unfortunately Treatee has been possessed by a demon. I need a pet exorcist! I wonder if one could be found in the cat-acombs?
4/6/21, 2:34 pm Mike Only one covid death recorded yesterday in L.A. County! Can you believe it? I heard it on the news and I confirmed it on the L.A. County website. The best news we've had in a very long time.
4/6/21, 9:28 pm Mike Behold Aquaman! Since when did it become OK for our superheroes to look like dirty, greasy long-haired, scraggly bearded criminals that just crawled out of some filthy biker bar? You wouldn't catch Captain America looking like some homeless loser.
4/9/21, 3:34 pm Mike Lina plays Waltz in B Minor by Chopin. Mike Can you solve this puzzle? 4/9/21, 11:02 pm Mike I started a pretty good series last night on Amazon. It's called "Them." And it's not a new version of the giant- ants movie. It's about racism with a horror-movie component. 4/11/21, 10:03 pm Allan I can't figure it out, due to Russian left-wing-lead knights. 4/11/21, 11:12 pm Mike Watt R U dew wing 2 night. One of the clues accidentally was out of order so I'm sure that made it more challenging for you. Mike A new puzzle. 4/12/21, 5:11 am Mike Allan, I just resent your Amazon eChristmas card for $30.00. 1. Open the email from Amazon. 2. There will be a code or something similar in the email that is for your gift. 3. Go to Amazon. 4. Buy something. 5. At the checkout look for a box to check where you would put the code from the email. 6. Enter the code in the box. You're done. Love, =Mike= 4/16/21, 6:47 pm Allan Thank you! I'll try that! Allan Love, Allan 4/18/21, 5:36 pm Mike
UFO video confirmed by Pentagon - CNN Video cnn.com Allan
4/23/21, 3:59 pm Allan I DID NOT FORWARD THIS - IT'S A HACK! DON'T CLICK IT!!! Mike Wow. OK. Thanks Allan. 4/24/21, 9:28 pm Mike When the 350 pound man finally lost 200 pounds, why did his nagging wife, who he could never please, give him a hard time? 4/24/21, 10:04 pm Mike Because he had lost 200 pounds playing England's National Lottery! 4/25/21, 12:33 pm Allan LOL, you got me!! 4/25/21, 1:03 pm Mike YAY!! 4/27/21, 12:01 am Mike What did the detective say on discovering the hooker misrepresented her 95-year old client as her "grandfather" in her contacts journal? "That's the oldest trick in the book."
4/27/21, 6:39 pm Allan Why was the woman who trained girls to work in a brothel she founded right after she graduated from high school so successful? Mike Because she graduated Magna Cum Lotta? Allan Haha, no! It was because she'd taken some ho making classes.
1 Allan And of course Santa nicknamed them Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen. Mike
4/29/21, 7:35 pm Allan Hahahaha Allan Oh, BTW, Santa named all his 'hos that way because they were deer to him. 4/29/21, 9:24 pm Mike And, did you know Santa's deer actually rule the North Pole. That's why they are called Reign Deer. 4/30/21, 1:25 am Allan OMG, haha 5/12/21, 4:36 pm Allan I can't even imagine what Mom would have thought of this!
Song Of Olympia Andre Rieu 5/12/21, 5:44 pm Mike I think Mom would have loved it. 5/12/21, 10:40 pm Allan
5/16/21, 7:09 pm Allan Clearly, a contempt of court. Mike Nice! 5/17/21, 3:24 pm Mike Are you a member of the Facebook group called "Manhattan Beach Haunts That No Longer Exist?" It's a fun one. Mike Why was the tennis player jailed after smashing his racquet? Contempt of court. That's a good one Allan. 5/18/21, 3:12 pm Mike What do you call a guy who gets arrested for ejaculating in public? Dumb as they cum. Sorry, no photo attachment. 5/18/21, 9:48 pm Allan Aw cum on, don't be so hard-on the guy. 5/20/21, 6:08 pm Mike She's hot alright. Why does borsch not pay its debts? It's dead beets. Mike She's hot all right was for Jeremy. I forgot to delete it for you.
5/21/21, 12:26 am Mike Kiss me you fool!
5/21/21, 12:42 am Allan You're killing me!!!
5/21/21, 3:12 pm Allan I'd love to see AOC with her diaper off. Mike
The only debate I'd like to have with AOC would be "My place or yours?" 5/22/21, 12:26 pm Mike Why is a gay man on a pull-up bar an easy target for a pickpocket? Low hanging fruit.
5/22/21, 5:27 pm Allan Oh. And you with the blonde hair? Also a target? Mike I promise you I am not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with it. Mike Do you know where that line comes from? Allan Steinberg. Mike What?? Did you mean Seinfeld? If so, yes. Allan Oh, yes. I meant Seinfeld. You, know, when you're old your memory edges out. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Mike Lol!! Mike Did you know that we could video chat with Facebook Messenger? When we're presentable that is. Allan I'm never presentable! I hate seeing myself on a computer screen! Mike Does that mean no you don't want to. You could always just cover up that small portion of the screen with your hand while you're talking to somebody Mike Or just put some masking tape on the screen that shows your face while you're talking to somebody else
Mike I feel the same way you do about that but I still do it once in awhile. Allan I hate hearing my voice, also. Mike You have a very nice voice Allan and you look great. It's all in your head. Mike I'm sure I don't have to tell you that you're the only one in the world that thinks that way about your appearance and your voice. Allan Hmmm. So maybe I hate everything in my head?
1 Mike Maybe not. Allan All last night I kept trying to imitate Roy Orbison. No luck there. Mike I tried the same thing sometimes. It's impossible. I'm off to get my eyes examined for some new glasses Allan I need those too! OK, good luck! Mike
The release of #makeover is almost here! To celebrate, we've made a limited-edition (100) poster, featuring paper doll illustrations of k.d.'s most iconic looks! The illustrations were made by a fan - Katja Virtanen of Finland - and proceeds from this poster will go to @world_wildlife. Get yours while they're available at https://smarturl.it/kdlangstore (and don't forget to pre-order makeover while you're there!) - k.d. mgmt k.d. lang Mike Wow she's still kickin.' I hope she's okay because she doesn't look real healthy. 5/22/21, 10:30 pm Allan She just look's old, that's all! 5/22/21, 11:06 pm Mike To me she looks like she has the bloated face of a drinker. Mike I can't remember if I told you or not but I haven't had a drink in 3 years and 8 months. Mike I think maybe I told you because I'm remembering you said you were going to tell Elizabeth. Unless I I made that up. 5/23/21, 11:44 am Allan On Tuesday my doctor told me to drink eight glasses of water a day! And yes I told Elizabeth about your success! Mike I know that eight glasses of water a day is always recommended. I really have to drink more water my skin is so dry and I just have a hard time drinking water. I don't know why. Even my cats are better about drinking water than I am. 5/23/21, 12:28 pm Mike Hi Allan I took a closer look at that picture of KD Lang and I don't think she looks like an alcoholic. That was just my first impression for some reason but you're right she's just older and her face is filled out more. I should not have rushed to judgment. You didn't tell me what you thought of my spot-on impression of Roy Orbison. 5/23/21, 1:04 pm Allan Haha, I liked your impression of Roy Orbison! Man, he goes back to my high school years. The song I keep trying to sing to myself is "Only the Lonely" . . . Mike The one that I used to fool around with and try to play and sing was In Dreams. What a great song that is. It was used in that crazy movie called Blue Velvet. Did you ever see that? Allan Oh. Yes! He didn't write that one . . . I love the ones he wrote especially . . . Mike I didn't know that he didn't write that song. Allan Maybe I'm wrong . . . Allan OH, I guess I'm wrong . . .
In Dreams (Roy Orbison song) - Wikipedia en.wikipedia.org Mike Thanks. Allan I got that song mixed up with this one:
Dream Baby (How Long Must I Dream) - Wikipedia en.wikipedia.org Mike That's the song I was trying to impersonate him that I sent you. I didn't know he didn't write that one. Allan OH! My brain is in a confussional state, as always . . . Mike
Roy Orbison - In Dreams youtube.com Here's the video of that song in Blue Velvet Mike So creepy in the movie. Allan I'll watch it later - I'm off to see Elizabeth, for the first time in about two weeks! What a world. Mike Yay Elizabeth! Tell her hi for me. Allan OK! 5/23/21, 2:30 pm Mike I feel good!
5/24/21, 10:37 pm Mike See the kitty all white and black. She does her sleepin' on her back. Oh yeah! Baby what I say! And so forth
5/24/21, 11:35 pm Allan Does she do the boogie-woogie all night long? Mike Oh yeah baby what I say. baby what I say. Hey baby what I say. 5/26/21, 8:33 pm Allan When Mr. Roosevelt and Chuck discussed opening a toy shop for little kids, what did they plan on calling the store? Mike Teddy's & Charlie's Stuffed Toys "R" Us.
5/26/21, 10:22 pm Allan Nope. "Teddy Berry" ! Mike Good one! When you said Chuck I thought you meant our brother so I was trying to figure out how Chuck fits in to the solution of the riddle. My mistake. I like my answer better than the real answer. Oh yeah!
5/26/21, 11:06 pm Allan Well, then, just so you know, I'm famous . . .
Mike Are the consultant for the series? 5/26/21, 11:29 pm Allan Yes, and it's all about me. 5/28/21, 10:50 pm Mike After giving the medical student an "F" for cheating on the olfactory senses exam, what did the professor tell her? Your answers didn't pass the smell test.
Allan How did the owl pass the smell test? Hoo nose. Mike Excellent! Allan I apologize for that. 5/29/21, 2:23 am Mike
5/30/21, 6:29 pm Mike Okey Dokey. Whatever you say goes.
Watch Free Movies & TV Shows Online | Popcornflix popcornflix.com 6/6/21, 12:40 am Allan Well . . . just click that second link I just sent you. 6/6/21, 12:58 pm Mike
Abd Ul-Rahman Lomax quora.com 6/10/21, 12:07 pm Mike
RAW: Andrews High principal sings 'I Will Always Love You' to Class of 2021 youtube.com 6/10/21, 1:04 pm Mike Do you remember Mr. Gossard singing a beautiful song to your class at your high school graduation ceremony? I don't either. 6/10/21, 8:34 pm Allan Me neither. What I do remember is him telling me I couldn't attend the graduation ceremony unless I got a haircut. Allan And wow, weirdly I've never heard a man sign that Dolly Parton song! 6/11/21, 3:28 pm Mike Not for the sqeemish: Why did the jury not believe the accused's testimony that he never asked the female undercover cop to deepthroat him? Because it was a little hard to swallow.
6/12/21, 1:18 am Allan Hmmm. What is a "tingle"? Mike Hmmm. Have you been drinking? 6/12/21, 1:39 am Mike I just watched "The "Informer" movie on Amazon Prime. It's really good if you haven't seen it. The last 20 to 30 minutes are really dramatic. It's a really good movie. 6/12/21, 3:47 pm Mike Why did President Trump present to the Queen of England umbrellas for all of Buckingham Palace? Because he was told, concerning the Monarchy, it "rains" always over the United Kingdom.
6/12/21, 4:32 pm Allan It also rains everywhere else, I lived there for 5 months. Mike I remember you told me that. Allan
https://youtube.com/watch?v=rQ6N-sb7SVQ&feature=share George W. Bush "Fool me once, shame on, shame on you." youtube.com 6/23/21, 9:15 am Mike
6/23/21, 11:32 am Allan
6/26/21, 10:01 pm Allan
1 6/28/21, 11:03 pm Allan This is a picture of Shael??? 6/29/21, 1:12 am Mike Yes. 6/29/21, 2:40 pm Allan
6/29/21, 3:19 pm Mike
7/3/21, 10:29 pm Allan And she responds, I'm NoHo. Mike Excellent retort. 7/4/21, 12:38 am Allan 7/4/21, 12:59 pm Mike What's the easiest way to say that an extremely mediocre Soho prostitute embroiders unusually uninspired. So so-so Soho ho sews so so-so.
7/4/21, 2:33 pm Allan You are killing me. Allan Is there any prostitute living in NoHo who has never lived through the winter in New York? No no, no NoHo ho knows no snow.
7/4/21, 3:44 pm Mike
7/10/21, 3:32 pm Allan Wow, you're quite the detective! But, no, you're wrong. This was where I got the idea.
7/10/21, 7:29 pm Mike How do you do that? 7/11/21, 12:26 am Allan I'm an artistic genius, 7/11/21, 2:57 pm Mike
If you're such a genius, why did you misspell "artistic?" Mike Made you look! Allan Haha 7/11/21, 3:50 pm Mike What do you call getting hit in the face unexpectedly by an arctic rooster? Cold Cocked!
7/11/21, 5:02 pm Allan I WISH THINGS WERE COLDER, THAT'S FOR SURE . . . 7/16/21, 2:20 am Mike Hi Allan. I just got a long, rambling & a little incoherent text message from Lisa Kazan. I don't mind if she texts me sometimes. It's very infrequent. Is she a drinker? That's what her text seemed like. 7/16/21, 11:18 am Allan She maybe is. But she's also very ill, and takes some sort of drug that makes her weird, so her sister tells me. She's lost a lot of friends, and she had a child who died. She's not in good shape. She got nasty to me and dropped our facebook friendship because I didn't message her often enough. But yesterday, after many months, I tried to friend her again and she accepted. Although at first she thought it was a "fake" Allan McCollum, haha. It's difficult knowing her . . . 7/17/21, 2:19 pm Mike
7/17/21, 4:14 pm Allan OK, if you say so! 7/18/21, 12:48 am Mike Hi Allan. Today I was thinking more about the message I got from Lisa Kazan. and what you told me about her and you friending her on Facebook after some time that you were not communicating with her. And I think it really shows your good character because I know she's a real challenge to communicate with. I don't think I would have done what you did to stay in touch with her. The text she sent me last night was not the first time she has texted me things that didn't seem to make a whole lot of sense. It's obvious that she was very pleased enough to tell me about you friending her. So, I think it was really nice of you to invite her to stay in touch. 7/21/21, 1:39 am Allan My memory is bad. The Mills Brothers, in 1944. Are these the correct lyrics? . . . You always hurt the one you love The one you shouldn't hurt at all You always take the sweetest rose And crush it till the petals fall You always break the kindest heart With a hasty word you can't recall So, if I broke your nose last night It's because I love you most of all 7/21/21, 10:42 am Mike Yes. That's the jailhouse version for husbands after they've been arrested. 7/21/21, 11:29 am Allan Thanks! I'll check this book . . .
Texas Jailhouse Music: A Prison Band History amazon.com 7/22/21, 4:17 pm Mike forwarded a link
Perspective from someone born in 1900 on Coronavirus and Covid 19 youtube.com 7/22/21, 11:24 pm Allan I can't even imagine our grandparent's lives. 8/1/21, 5:20 pm Allan !!!!!
Rome Man Attacks Another with Knife Near Broad Street coosavalleynews.com 8/1/21, 5:49 pm Mike Is this one of your jokes where you put my name in for somebody else's name? 8/1/21, 6:26 pm Allan Haha, NO, its a real picture I saw on a website! 8/1/21, 9:07 pm Mike Wow! Now I need to worry that I might end up on a criminal search report because of having the exact same name of a criminal. 8/1/21, 10:30 pm Allan Be careful! 8/4/21, 12:38 pm Mike forwarded a link
The reason rock n roll will never die. This made my day! Hope it makes yours! Gary 8/6/21, 10:19 pm Mike Hi Allan. Did you today use an Amazon.com birthday eGift that I gave you last year on your birthday?
Amazon.com. Spend less. Smile more. amazon.com 8/6/21, 10:40 pm Allan I finally figured it out! No, it was something you contributed to me on Christmas, I think! I'm not sure about my birthday last year - I am so stupid! Mike I'm glad you figured out how to use it. I remember you told me you didn't know how to use it, and I think I suggested that you ask Elizabeth to help you. What did you buy on Amazon? 8/7/21, 11:34 am Allan I generally read detective novels! And I think I still have the $30 for more. You've been so generous . . . 8/7/21, 12:43 pm Mike Great! Allan
"BFS" (best friends sometimes) 8/8/21, 10:15 pm Allan At least you don't live alone! 8/8/21, 10:32 pm Mike Good point. I actually am a lot better since I got them. 8/8/21, 11:08 pm Allan This is making me a little crazy. Every day for the last two or three weeks, this ad appears on my Facebook page. I can barely control myself. Every time, I want to post, "Do you have whiskers on your skin again?"
8/9/21, 1:20 am Mike That's hilarious. Begin again. That's hilarious. Begin again. That's hilarious. Begin again. That's hilarious. Begin again. 8/10/21, 12:17 am Allan I probably sent this link before . . . but the word "again" often reminds me of the wonderful Terry Allen ... this is a recording from back in the '70s . . .
Terry Allen - I Just Left Myself (Official Audio) youtube.com 8/10/21, 12:52 am Mike Thanks Allan. I'll listen to it tomorrow. 8/10/21, 9:49 pm Mike Allan, I just realized I sent the following message to someone else that was supposed to go to you on your birthday: Happy Birthday Allan!! I love you! 8/12/21, 3:09 pm Allan Thank you! I love you too! Allan Weird. I was sitting next to an elderly man on the subway today, and I heard him mention to his friend that he was using a "reusable bag." I felt proud of him, that he was being so environmentally conscientious. But as I listened to him further, I realized he was referring to an old woman he was dating. 8/12/21, 4:36 pm Mike LOL! That's hilarious! But, try to remember not to tell that to an old lady. At first I thought the joke was going to be about a colostomy bag with a gross punchline. Thankfully it wasn't. . Allan Uh oh. I also sent this to Elizabeth. Mike Big mistake. Allan
8/14/21, 5:33 pm Allan OMG, Mike!! Hahaha Mike Do you recognize the guy in the hot tub? Allan Rodney Dangerfield? With Farah Fawcett? Mike Yes, but one of them looks like Farah but it's not. It's from "Back to School." 8/15/21, 3:33 pm Mike Look what I found. It's #A-1 of your surrogates. I wonder if that means it's your very first one. What do you think? Unfortuately, it's pretty chipped. Darn!
8/15/21, 4:32 pm Allan Where did you find this, Mike?? I can't figure it out. What are the measurements? Was it Mom's or something? Mike You gave it to me a long time ago. For Christmas I think. When I went to Aspen this June, Shael had boxed some things that I left there in 2011 when I moved back to California. It's 4 7/8 by 6 inches. I also brought back a large "Thanks Bar" that's olive green and number 79, 1997. You gave it to me also. It's in perfect condition. Love, Mike 8/16/21, 11:59 am Allan
8/21/21, 1:32 pm Mike
CNN USA Live (USA); Free TV from all over the world freeintertv.com 8/21/21, 7:48 pm Mike Oh my God. The weather, lightening just stopped the show and everyone told to leave and seek shelter!! 8/21/21, 10:22 pm Allan Yep. 8/22/21, 12:39 am Mike I'm getting tired of my cat, Treatee. He's always on my case.
8/22/21, 11:59 am Allan lol 8/22/21, 5:34 pm Mike Allan, I just had the nicest conversation with Polly. She told me several times that she thinks about you and me, and Chuck a lot. She asked about how we're all doing and she sounded really good. I'll talk to you soon. 8/23/21, 8:46 pm Allan Nice! Liz just told me that she ordered one of my catalogs for Polly . . . Allan So, is Treatee interesting? Or just into resting? 8/23/21, 9:15 pm Mike Good one Allan. Treatee is into resting except in the wee morning hours when he's into terrorizing me and my apartment. 8/23/21, 9:56 pm Mike Yes sir, he's definitely into resting.
Allan
8/26/21, 7:49 pm Allan I think I will just let this one go. 8/26/21, 8:07 pm Mike
Mike And, I thought I was a little demented. You just won the blue ribbon. 8/30/21, 1:33 pm Allan I'm so proud! 9/2/21, 7:16 am Mike Hi Allan. I'm hearing about NYC flooding. It sounds pretty bad. Did you get the flashlight I sent you. It was delivered to your building on August 27 according to USPS. 9/2/21, 11:21 am Allan Hi, oh, yes I got it! I wrote a thanks note this morning. So nice of you. Regarding the flash floods, I must have slept through all that. I hope it didn't go through my doors at my storage building in Brooklyn, sigh. I do keep everything 6" above the floor, in case of that, at the building isn't in the PRIMARY flood zone of the city. I hope. I'm feeling a little freaked out about all this weather stuff, and overwhelmed with work. I'm not very happy these days, sigh. Allan I looked up my address on a NYC "Flood Zone" website, and it said: This property is currently in an area of minimal flood hazard. 9/2/21, 12:02 pm Mike I hope your art in Brooklyn is OK too. What work are you being overwhelmed with? New art projects? Be careful in NY. Earlier this morning I saw a news video of people in a subway train that had 1-2 feet of flood water in it. 9/2/21, 12:54 pm Allan I saw that, haha. So crazy. Thank god I have nothing stored in a basement. 9/2/21, 1:58 pm Mike What did James Brown say when his father married an ugly, old lady?
9/2/21, 3:23 pm Allan Hopefully re-usable!! 9/2/21, 5:08 pm Mike
9/3/21, 8:54 pm Allan You are a lucky guy. 9/4/21, 2:25 pm Mike Gracie is bugging me. She won't leave me alone! She's just a needy, serial pleasure seeker. And, like most females, she can't get enough of me.
9/4/21, 7:08 pm Allan Amazing Gracie, how sweet the sound. 9/6/21, 2:29 pm Mike Why did the farm supply business owner get upset when the customer returned the moldy grain for chickens? Because the customer gave the business bad feed back.
9/6/21, 4:13 pm Allan Yuk Yuck Cluck 9/9/21, 3:29 pm Mike Jeffrey Toobin got his job back at CNN. Good. I made up a little rhyme for him: Wack off in your room, even if you're in a Zoom. 9/25/21, 3:19 pm Mike I have a great idea for criminals. You make an appointment with a neurologist. Tell him you think you might be having memory problems. On purpose you fail miserably all memory tests you are given. For good measure, you repeat yourself over & over to the doctor. You get a report that shows you have serious memory issues with dementia. Then you commit your crimes. But, when you are interrogated you just keep saying I don't remember. No jury could find you guilty of lying because your doctor will come in and testify you can't remember anything and you're seriously ill with dimentia. Case closed. Allan I think I'll forget this, haha! Mike Probably a good idea. Allan
http://artarchives.net/marcselwynfineart.com/allanmccollum.html Allan McCollum 'Traces' Opens October 2nd artarchives.net Mike Yes for sure. I told a good friend of mine to come. I don't know if he will. I also invited Lina. I don't know if she can either. Chuck told me he's going. What do you think would be a good time so we can spend at least a little time with you? Mike PS. I love the art you are showing. 9/26/21, 4:40 pm Allan Hi, I don't know about the times - says he'll probably be there between 3:30 and 4:00. So you can choose whatever. BiBi said she's coming, with the kids, haha. I keep wondering - where the heck does one park their car around there? Allan Not just "says," I typed "Chuck says" . . . 9/26/21, 5:07 pm Mike I think I'll get there earlier. Maybe around noon. There might not be a big crowd yet then and I could visit with you more. 9/27/21, 10:35 am Allan OK! I don't know if there's going to be a "big crowd," haha! 9/27/21, 11:55 am Mike I hope there will. 10/2/21, 9:35 pm Mike
10/2/21, 11:38 pm Allan Now THERE'S a big crowd!!!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holden_Caulfield Holden Caulfield - Wikipedia en.wikipedia.org Mike Here is my memory about it. Jeremy called me while I was at work and asked me how I would feel if he changed his last name. He said that Ashley always liked the name Holden from Catcher in the Rye and I think she wanted Jeremy to change his last name to Holden. I told him that I would rather he did not do that but that he's a grown man and it's his decision. That's how I remember it. And I guess he decided not to do that. Mike But here's the kicker. I said something about it this summer and he told me it hadn't been Ashley's idea. It had been his idea. So, either he lied to me when he asked me what I I thought about the idea or he's mistaken now that it was his idea and not Ashley's. We'll never know. 10/7/21, 12:27 am Allan Haha. BUT, my memory was that they didn't want a name like "Holden McCollum" to sound like "Holding My Colon"! So that would be "Holden" as the FIRST name as the issue, haha. My memory is that "they" wanted to change his LAST name!
10/20/21, 11:30 pm Allan I'm envious. As I stare at the back of the brick buildings out my window. 10/21/21, 12:44 am Mike I am very lucky to still be near the water. I love it here. 10/21/21, 9:37 am Allan
10/29/21, 12:22 pm Mike What did Abbott & Cosello ask the comedy club manager about the order of of the acts performing? "Who's on first?" 10/29/21, 1:16 pm Allan LOL!!! 10/31/21, 9:27 pm Mike Why did the homeowner go against established procedures by calling a professional electrician to fix his plumbing? He didn't know the proper pro to call.
10/31/21, 10:37 pm Allan LOL, this took me a while to get!! 11/4/21, 4:47 pm Mike I just watched a YouTube video about women in sports losing control. It shows them fighting, kicking, punching, pulling hair, biting (yes I said biting) each other on the soccer field, on the basketball court, the ju jitsu mat, even flipping out on the badminton court. OMG, I'm so turned on right now. Allan Ha. Here's Dana Hey, a friend of mine:
Dana Hoey: "Can't Wait to Hit You in the Face*": Violence, Victimhood, and Pictures | Cornell AAP aap.cornell.edu Allan I mean Hoey, not Hey. Allan Stupid autocorrect. 11/5/21, 4:10 pm Mike Here's an interesting philosophical question that just came up. If I spill some no-sodium salt substitute, do I have to throw a pinch over my left shoulder to ward off bad luck? 11/5/21, 6:38 pm Allan No. 11/7/21, 11:40 am Allan I "friended" another "Allan McCollum" just for fun. (allan.mccollum.5). Whenever goes onto his page, haha, but I noticed it today - he has a friend named "Michael McCollum" AND "Mary Ann McCollum"!
11/7/21, 11:55 am Allan "He never" not "Whenever" 11/7/21, 4:15 pm Mike Allan, do you expect me to believe what's written on any webpage you send me anymore? Your days of fooling me by manipulating web pages are over. Have you never heard the story of "The Little Boy Who Cried Wolf?" Allan Haha, check it out yourself!! https://www.facebook.com/allan.mccollum.5 Allan McCollum Mike I did last nite. It's Fake. Mike Kidding. Allan Whew. Mike
11/27/21, 11:54 pm Allan I guess Forrest Gump left on the bus. Mike McCollum sent you an invite to join Messenger. Mike Allan, you like creepy stories and so do I. On YouTube there are true stories told by "MrBallen" who is an excellent story teller. The true stories he tells are really good. Search "mrballen" on Youtube and I think you will like his stories. Allan OK, tomorrow! 11/30/21, 2:46 pm Mike Here's a good one. Not for the squeamish. MrBallen. It's a pretty awful story, so don't watch it if you don't want to.
What this man did will haunt you (*MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY*) youtube.com 11/30/21, 3:21 pm Allan Uh oh. I'm not sure if I'm mature. Mike I'm sure you're not. But, seriously it's horrible and disturbing crimes commited. That's why I'm forwarning you. 11/30/21, 11:16 pm Allan OMG. Tampa. 12/3/21, 12:07 pm Mike
12/9/21, 9:27 pm Mike Allan, did you know Chuck had a small part on CSI Vegas that aired last night? If you want to see it, go to 17 minutes in at:
https://www.cbs.com/shows/csi-vegas/video/42C57oPI68GbG_j1bqEygQUfo_ YxqFS0/csi-vegas-signed-sealed-delivered/ Watch CSI: Vegas Season 1 Episode 10: Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Full show on CBS cbs.com 12/13/21, 12:06 am Mike There's a slight, cool breeze here tonight in beautiful San Pedro.
12/13/21, 1:22 am Allan Wow. Is this really San Pedro tonight??? . . . .
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